Current Events Don't Provide the Excitement and Drama of Prophecy

Today has come somewhat as a disappointing day of not accomplishing much and feeling unaffected by entertainment that once gripped me.

Needing money for laundry, I ended up taking two trips to the bank because I didn't know how to withdraw money from my checking account. Doing so took up some time, but it shouldn't have caused too much of an inconvenience except that I spent a good amount the morning

+ Eating food and

+ Catching up on THE DAILY SHOW and THE COLBERT REPORT

so that by the time I got back from the bank, the final place I need to call for an address change had closed for the day. I will need to call them tomorrow.

On top of all that, my Internet has acted unreliable again. I can fortunately power cycle the modem to correct the problem, but I really don't want to have to power cycle my modem multiple times during the day for Internet access. Having to do so prevented me from turning temp agency applications and applying for jobs listed online.

And if you have been keeping up with my blog, you have an idea of how much I appreciate the Internet in my life.

Then again, I was probably in for an annoying day after a fun weekend. A friend that I met through the fiancee visited. We all walked around a lot, ate a bit, had some good drinks (but nothing excessive enough to give me a flow blown hangover), laughed a lot from our own dialogue and by going to Second City (both myself and the friend got called on to provide spontaneous material). Unfortunately, the weekend had to end and everyday life had to continue.

THE ALIAS SERIES FINALE

At the end of my day, the Alias series finale underwhelmed me. It didn't have enough of a "affecting the whole world" feeling to it. The show implied all these races against time and everything, but it just didn't grab me. I guess I really didn't feel that anything was at stake. . .or I didn't feel that the conclusion was significant enough to wow me or anything. The characters fixed everything too easily, even the characters about to die or who became immortal.

Maybe I have a feeling that either which way that the Rimbaldi prophecy concluded, it should have a world-changing conclusion. After reading the Rimbaldi Wikipedia page and reminded about part of the prophecy, however, I can see that part of prophecy was prevented. This reminder leads me to believe that the final episode could have had much more impact if this aspect of the prophecy received emphasis along with the development of the Sydney Bristow character.

I can't totally blame the writers too much, however. From what I've heard, they didn't have all the time in the world to properly resolve the show. The network cancelled the show halfway through the season, which probably comes at a better time than when the Farscape writers, cast and crew learned of their cancellation, after the filming of the last episode of the season. Thankfully, they received the opportunity to put together The Peacekeeper War, whence they resolved the loose ends.

In a similar vein, though, the unresolved season finale to Angel provided even more satisfaction. Having it end with the beginning of a big battle and not knowing how it will affect the world and character somehow feels much more satisfactory. We don't receive closure, but at least us members of the viewing public don't have to just accept something of an artificial, undeveloped ending that somewhat makes everything feel small and inconsequential, after having getting sucked into the milieu and drama to such a degree that I/you have invested a good amount of time into it.

At least the story can continue, either again on TV or in a movie or comic book. Some other show or story could even reference the characters or something. No matter how the people/topics/events could crop up again, I'll have to now switch my opinion about the last episode of Farscape before The Peacekeeper War if the The Peacekeeper War never got made. In that case, at least, an unsatisfying artificial ending didn't get made in attempt to resolve loose ends.

GETTING CAUGHT UP IN CURRENT EVENTS AGAIN

I feel attached to keeping abreast to current events. Similar to no access to the Internet gives me a feeling of disconnectedness, not keeping up with current events has a similar effect.

The friend who visited over the weekend finds keeping up with pop culture an important thing to do. For one, his job somewhat requires him doing so. He works with all types of clients with whom he needs to make connections and have conversation. I have the feeling that he probably likes to use pop culture to have conversations with other people, not as a way to make money or keep his job, but simply as a way to fulfill the basic human need to connect with other people.

Unfortunately, for many reasons (one the main ones possibly ADHD), I don't necessarily keep updated on pop culture all that well. Part of it may also come from my disinteredness in "empty" culture, something that doesn't do a good job at reflecting upon the human condition but rather acts as a way to distract from the human condition. Yeah, I need diversion from thoughts about the human condition now and then, too, but "empty" culture simply doesn't do the best job at keeping my attention all the time.

Current events is the human condition. Our discussion, commentary, criticism, dialogue, etc. etc. on this condition is our reflection on that condition. I love getting into this stuff and exploring it with people. In a way, probably, keeping attentive to these current events helps me tap into something bigger than myself, helps me in my search for meaning and value.

I probably just need to stay conscious that I don't get "addicted" to keeping up with these events, as a way to distract me from the human condition.

But this weekend, at The Second City show, I experienced a desire to up to date again with the current events. The show had a political edge.

Over the last couple months, year or so, the fiancee and I had been focusing a lot on our move to Chicago and the direction our lives would take afterward. It reached a point where I had to stop reading the news feeds that I got through e-mail. It took up a lot of time, especially since it all interested me, I tried reading most of it and sent what I read to e-mail lists I had set up (subscribe to the main news list by sending an e-mail to newstothe_lex-subscribe@topica.com. . .but I feel like it fulfilled some kind of innate urge of mine.

I haven't fallen behind in current events. The big national news is still the NSA wiretapping scandal, the low opinion of Bush in our country, whether the Democrats want to impeach, censure or investigate the Bush administration, the new head of the CIA being the old NSA guy, the Jack Abramoff scandal, the partisanship of the Democrats and the Republicans, bin Laden and Al Qaeda, Iraq, Afghanistan, Iran with their nuclear development, India wanting nukes, global warming and so on and so forth. Even in the past, I knew that the attention of the media and its audience really doesn't change all that fast, except for in the entertainment.

Not necessarily even for the entertainment world, either, though. Over the weekend, The Soup continued to crack jokes about the whole Britney Spears driving with her baby in her lap incident. I still laugh at the jokes made (after all, I haven't been paying attention to this stuff for at least a month), but I would have thought that the rest of the viewership would've gotten sick of it. I guess this also goes to show you, things really don't change all that quickly, in the entertainment world or in current events.

Nonetheless, if I don't keep abreast of all this stuff, I don't feel connected. And I don't even really get into conversations about this stuff with other people. I guess I somehow feel involved in the world, even though I really don't do too much to affect the overall world.

Just give me a little time, though. Once I finish this college project and start my writing career, I think things will be a little different.

IN UPCOMING ENTRIES

As something of a preview of future entries and also as a way to remind myself of topics, I think I may start listing off topics at the end of entries. For today's preview:

+ The difficulty of updating someone from the past on ourselves, or creating an identity in small bite sized, digestible pieces

+ The importance of having an objective when embarking on a quest.

FOR NOW, THOUGH, GOODNIGHT

Utopia Chewing on Grass While Studying Social Theory

Not much for excitement today. The fiancee and I spent it mostly shopping for stuff around the house and for the "kids" (Max and Miriya, the kittens). I, however:

+ Updated a couple more addresses,

+ Applied for short term health insurance,

+ Saw some quotes for dental insurance,

+ Re-connected with a property and casualty insurance agent that sounds decent, even if they're working under the assumption that I just won't lower premium and not necessarily a good company,

+ Just sent an e-mail to follow up on some contract work that applied for last week, received a reply but didn't receive another reply from the original follow up on their first reply,

+ Found some more good Internet radio stations over at Live365.com,

+ Discovered a book or two at Amazon.com that could provide me with some good meat for my college project once I can get back to it after getting a good job,

+ Found a couple good articles about grasses and the dietary/health uses for it, especially with cats:
o Arrhenatherum
o Wheat Grass for Cats

+ Learned about a couple social theorists that focused on social movements and IDENTITY, [social] BOUNDARIES and SOCIAL TIES:
o Charles Tilly's Change Theory
o Charle's Tilly at Wikipedia
o Major Works of Charles Tilly
o Sidney Tarrow at Wikipedia

UTOPIA OF DIVERSITY CHECKED

I had something of a wake up call when it comes to the utopian diversity I've felt in Chicago. While reading the job message boards at the Chicago Craigslist, I came across someone's posting about potential discrimination against them as a Jew from someone who might be an Arab at a job interview. Nothing substantiated and I don't know the particular Jewish person, but I guess there's some atmosphere of prejudice, at least in the form of behavior expectation.

Still, it's a step up from Boston somewhat. Different ethnicities have a better chance of running into each other, here in Chicago. Generally more effort has to be put into such diverse exposure in Boston.

TIME FOR BED

A part of me tells me that I've gotten a fair amount done in the last 12 or 13 hours. Another internal voice of mine tells me that I shouldn't put so much faith in one book or one theorist providing me with the answers that I need for my college project.

Oh well, another day has passed and good things have happened. I'm happy enough about that fact.

Another Day

Not much to say about today. I wanted to move ahead with my job search, but I didn't. Ended addressing contact information for service companies, closing out accounts, paying bills, trying to open up channels between financial companies and my new bank, everyday things that have just mounted or popped up because of the move.

Should I consider these types of tasks as constructive procrastination or things that really need to get done.

Unfortunately, I still have a bunch more of these types of things to address tomorrow. Part of me just wanted to keep marching ahead with it, finish it whenever it got finished. The wiser side of me convinced me otherwise. I'm happy that my medication and more self awareness has made listening to my wiser side easier.

Now I just need to listen to it more when it tells me to not take things so seriously.

THE LONELINESS OF NOT HAVING THE INTERNET

Before leaving for Chicago, a friend of mine commented that he was really happy that we all had the Internet. It helps us to keep in better touch with our friends much better, especially when I've moved to Chicago, another friend has moved to LA, another friend moved across Massachusetts and this friend has stayed in Cambridge.

I've got to agree with this friend, especially after moving out here to Chicago. Most obviously, the connecting and keeping connected with good old friends from 10 years or more so ago makes this transition much easier. Sure, I'll eventually make friends here in Chicago but until then, it's nice to know that I can probably turn on my computer and find an e-mail from my family or a friend who has been around in my life for years or maybe knew me back when I was trying to learn about myself and the world.

I really have to do a better job at writing back to these people, though. . ..

Not having a reliable Internet connection during the road trip (the hotel in the suburbs had a horrible connection in our room and the router at a friend's place in Pennsylvania pretty much died around the time we visited) really struck it home to the fiancee and me of how cut off we can feel without the Internet.

Sure, we can probably blame many things on the Internet and general technology. Things like people not going to in person social events so much, having great in person social skills, not looking to engage with other people face to face, abandoning practices that force us to interact with each other and plenty of other things.

I don't really want to address that part of the topic at the moment, though. It's not like the fiancee and I could have gone to some community hall, a church or anything like that to make permaneant friends while travelling across the country. I guess we had some chance of doing so if we tried socializing, but I feel that chance would be quite slight if not nearly nothing.

Then there's the matter of learning about things happening around the world. We had the TV for news. Stores made newspapers available. Either one of us probably could've gone out to purchase some kind of periodical. All those things might have given us our fix of news and information about the world.

We could have also phoned our friends.

But there's something to the blog, the chat, the message board, Wikipedia and all the other random information out there. Also, having the ability to buy movie tickets, instantly find the number to a car rental company, find the number to a restaurant, get directions on how to reach a destination and all the other things that you can look up to find out about your surroundings.

Not having the a reliable Internet connection contributed to a sense of not feeling connected with the world. Maybe if the Internet, TV, the telephone and other wonders of human invention disappeared, we would be forced to socialize face to face more or force us to work within and experience face to face communities more.

I think we would miss out on something, though. Not having these things would take away the diversity of perspective that comes from encountering people from all over the world, communicating with friends who have moved elsewhere or vacationed somewhere else, learning about the differences between the experience of humanity in the Midwest with the experience of humanity in the Middle East.

Yes, the Internet provides all of us with the opportunity to turn inward and become passive in face to face situations. It allows us to ignore the people immediately around us. At the same time, though, it also provides us with the opportunity to broaden our perspective, grow as a member of the human race, become the part of something larger than just our individual selves or even just the local community.

The operative words here: allow and opportunity. TV, the radio, the telephone, the Internet, all human technology only comes to us as a tool. We have the ability to control what we do and do not do with that technology. Maybe we can even think of communication and the community as human technology, just as socially based rather than physically resource based.

So the question becomes: do we choose to use the Internet, the TV and other things as an escape from the world that hurts us in some way or do we use to join with the communities in the world and become part of that world?

I vote for the latter, for I believe that if we truly try to understand and enlarge our perspectives with empathic understanding, we will see involvement in the world as an experience with rewards that far surpass anything that we could lose. Involving ourselves in the world is worth the risk.

One Week in Chicago

This city has a lot of noise at night. Planes fly by overnight. I can hear the "L" going by at the closest stop, 3 or 4 blocks away. Sirens galore, police and fire. Probably some ambulances, too.

We live in a good part of town, too, near Boyz Town, at least, and that's got to mean something. I guess it doesn't have to mean anything. A gay friend of mine back in Boston once wrote a letter to the editor at the Metro about how he got harassing looks from black people in the South End and even heard disaparaging comments made by them. And the South End is just about gay central in Boston!

One thing I love in Chicago, though: the diversity. Back in the parts of Boston and northern New England that I normally visited, I would pretty much just see whites and Asians, and I wouldn't see them around each other that much.

Here in Chicago, even in the suburbs, I can walk down the street outside my apartment or go to some restaurant and see people of all different colors, nationalities and ethnicities. One of the guys who moved our stuff told us that Chicago has the biggest Bulgarian population in the US. My fiancee tells me that it also has the biggest Filipino population, too. We bought some furniture today from an Asian and black couple. Just down the street, there's building with Shalom (or is it Sholom) written on it. I'm sure I see plenty of Middle Easterners walking around these streets daily.

For a white bread boy brought up in Eastern Massachusetts who didn't even know what rascism was until I was in 3rd or 4th grade and never met a peer who was Jewish until he went to college, this experience has been pretty great so far. I wish I could say eye opening, but I have the feeling that this doesn't represent the reality of outside Chicago or even necessarily all of Chicago. In the past, I have probably heard about race riots in Chicago and that the city still has plenty of segregation going on. Nonetheless, this little neighborhood of mine has, so far, filled me up with lots of hope and has a bit of Utopia to it.

AS FOR THE UNPACKING AND FURNISHING PROCESS PROCESS

I've got the electronics set up. The cable Internet works fantastic after a tech came by this morning, but we still don't get all the channels we want and should get. I sent Comcast an e-mail about that one. Hopefully it doesn't require any extra work inside the apartment by a tech or something.

Yesterday, we bought a good media shelf for the electronics. Today, we got a big shelf that we plan on using for dividing up the living room and a great couch lounger. Spent most of the day putting that stuff together and waiting for the cable guy in the morning.

Behind the divider shelf in the living room and overflowing into the entertainment, we still have plenty of boxes to unpack. The main problem is that most of those boxes have books in them, and we can't empty them until we get shelves. And we can't really unpack anything else until we know where the shelves go and look.

The whole thing really just overloads my brain. I want to go off on some kind of rant about it, but I just don't know where to start. My brain just shuts down, so I don't even bother.

TOMORROW WILL BE DIFFERENT

I will dive into the serious job search. As things wind down somewhat with the unpacking and some of the small errands, reality sets in. My savings and possibly future income will only last me a short while. I need to get myself a job.

I'd like to get one quickly, too, because there's a couple things that I'd like to do with that future income that includes more than surviving.

And while working on the job search, I think I'd like to communicate with some friends and family that I left behind in New England and who I have moved closer to in the Midwest. I, sadly, don't think I'll be able to address all the communication after waking up tomorrow, but I want to start trying.

Please work with me as I try to improve my friendship service. =D

Thank you.

Broadcasting Wind

I've made it to Chicago and have set up the Internet in the apartment.

Now let's just hope things continue working well.

Crap! It's late. I should be getting to bed.

A Reliable Connection?

After doing some maintenance on the laptop and keeping the TV off, the Internet connection in this hotel seems to work more reliably.

I, unfortunately, don't have a reliable stream of consciousness at the moment. Have to :

+ Meet with people we haven't seen in a long time

+ Work on the job search and

+ Try to get clear on this early move in date for the new apartment.

Oh yeah, shopping for furniture, especially for the TV and living room, can be so dang frustrating and tiring! Ugh.

The Wait

Staying at a hotel in the Chicago suburbs until the apartment becomes available 5/11/2006.

Comcast tech comes 5/13/2006 to install the Internet and digital cable.

Not sure when the movers drop off stuff.

Hotel hasn't had a working network server since we got here a couple nights ago.

Logging in from a Barnes & Noble without any power outlets for my use.

Probably won't be writing reliably until Comcast installs the Internet. Will write more then.

Second Leg Finished

We made it the hotel in Ohio from Pennsylvania after about eight hours.

The cats panicked a bit in the car at first then calmed down after the sedative hit them. Now they're chilling in the hotel room, looking out the window and playing with their toys.

Need to eat, rest then head to bed.

Tomorrow, the last leg to a Chicago suburb.

THE DAY HAS COME!!!!!!

No, not May Day. Silly. . ..

Rather, moving out of the Boston area. We haven't reached Chicago yet, though.

Back during the pre-major packing stage, we had planned to make the trip a three-leg journey. Boston to PA where we would stay with a couple know for the night, off to Cleveland where we would stay at a hotel then on the way to Chicago the next day.

We decided to stay another night in Pennsylvania, though, to rest from all the packing that we've done and the long drive down here. Last night didn't really give us a great opportunity to hang out with our friends even though they gave us some great food. Besides, the cats looked like they could use some time away from the car.

DO CATS DREAM OF SLEEPING IN THE BELLY OF ELECTRIC RATS?

Speaking of cats in cars, the two of them surprised me quite a bit. They acted as normal in their carriers, caterwauling and tearing at the doors. After about a half hour or an hour on the road, though, Max, broke out of his carrier then ran around the car, caterwauling, looking all around outside and for his sister who hadn't gotten out of the car yet. He even hit the shifter into neutral while we were going 65 down the I-90.

Kinda scary.

So we stopped at the next rest area, where we also let Miriya out of her carrier. Hooked the leashes onto their harnesses. We let them have a breather and walk around the car a little. Only difficulty came when Max just about crawled under the car, and I had to pull on his leash to come out.

Since Max could break out of his carrier, the fiancee and me figured that we'd build a nest of blankets in the back seat (reminds me of stories the fiancee tells me about when her family went on long drives) then continue on our journey.

Worked like a charm. No caterwauling, just the occasional meow to say hello and ask for some attention. For the beginning of this new stage in the trip, Max sat on my headrest, so I didn't get sit all that comfortably, but I didn't mind suffering that compared to the noise they made in the carriers. He eventually got down, though, then sat between the fiancee and me on the compartment that holds random stuff (maybe we should put maps or something in there).

Overall, though, they behaved so incredibly well. They didn't bother anyone that drove. Most of the time, they just slept on the blankets, poking up their heads occasionally to see what was going on, most especially at toll booths. A couple times, we worried that that the cats might jump out the window but nothing like that happened.

Miriya, when the third and last driving shift started and I was in the lotus position, crept up front and sat down in my lap for 10 minutes. She doesn't normally do anything like that, even outside of a moving car. I felt touched.

Letting them out of the carriers really did everyone a favor, though, cutting down on everyone's and every cat's stress.

SCENERY BETWEEN BOSTON AND MEDIA, PA

We spent most of the time on Interstates and shopping strips to get gas. Scenery pretty much came at a premium, but Rte 15 in Connecticut, roundabout the MA border to the NY border, really looks so incredibly beautiful. At least, it looks great at this time of year.

It looked like a colorful sylvan paradise. Tons of trees with all types of blossoms. Plenty of space under the trees, but they didn't look as if they were planted by man because they didn't look evenly spaced out or anything, at least, not artifically so.

Otherwise, I can't say the scenery on the Interstates excited me too much, except maybe for driving over the Hudson River somewhere north of New York City. I didn't realize that it was so WIDE. I mean incredibly WIDE. I'm sure plenty of other people have driven over the the thing, but still. . .I'm simply amazed at how WIDE this river was.

Then the fact that human beings made this incredible bridge that stretched over the whole width of the water. Amazing, I tell you. . .amazing! Amazing that nature once again created such a monument to its grandoisity and also amazing that humanity built such a feat of technology as a work around (not conquer -- I hate that attitude of human chauvinism. . .) to this barrier for us.

LAZING OUT IN PENN

Today, the fiancee and I took the opportunity to wake up early, have a good meal, walk around downtown Media and buy some beads. Taking our hosts out to dinner to thank them for letting us stay a couple nights, even they're good friends and enjoy having us around.

THEN WE JOURNEY ONWARD

Probably around tomorrow at 11, we get to learn if the cats continue to behave in the car. . .all the way to Cleveland.

It should be interesting.

Taking a Much Needed Break: T-3 Days Until Relocation

Taking a late night break from packing.

We've got about 100 boxes of stuff stacked up all over this 1200 sq. ft. apartment. Plenty of furniture packed away in the sun room for a charitable organization to take away on Friday.

The movers come tomorrow to pick up the boxes and the small amount of furniture that we'll take with us to Chicago.

This place looks very white and has quite an echo.

I'm ambivalent about the next few surreal days, either. Seeing a cardiologist, not really having a stable Internet connection, getting stuff to people, retrieving stuff, attending a memorial service for the deceased mother of a couple friends, going to a bachelor party then heading cross country in a car.

A good day will arrive when we reach a Chicago suburban hotel for a couple weeks than a great day will occur when we finally get into an apartment in Chicago that we hope to inhabit for awhile.

Then when I get a job. . ..

Cats are Scared of a House Getting Re-Sided: T-4 Days Until Relocation

There's a lot of stuff going on and hardly enough time to do it.

The movers come tomorrow. We still have quite a bit to pack.

Then the Mass Coalition of the Homeless comes to pick up a bunch of furniture and stuff that no one wanted to buy.

I'm pretty tired.

It Comes Closer: T-6 Days Until Relocation

GOING BACK ON MY WORD AND DEALS MADE

I've decided to stick with Magic and not sell my cards. . .except for the ones I already sold to someone. I don't regret selling them, though.

As for not fulfilling a couple e-mail deals I made with a couple people, I regret not being able to fulfill those.

For now, though, I won't play or construct any decks. I will just catalog and price them. While doing so over the last couple days to market them, I refreshed my memory about some cards and saw some cool tricks that other ones could do.

Very possibly, I simply got frustrated by not having familiarity with my cards, also not having fun playing the same old decks that I had put together and not really having the time or resource to put together other interesting decks. I just kept working on the old decks. . .which got boring after awhile, I guess.

IN OTHER NEWS

I've picked my groom's party. If you want to know who I've picked, you'll have to get in touch with me personally. This Blog is not privy to that particular information.

THE LAST HURRAH

Last night, went out for Ethiopian food at Addis Red Sea in the South End and The Last Hurrah in a hotel downtown next to the Common.

It felt very much like rehearsal for all the wedding stuff that will happen in a little more than year, all the loud noise, not getting to talk much with the fiancee and not really having any indepth, good conversations with people.

I hope the rest of my relations with people happen like this after I get married.

The fiancee and some of the other people in the roving party last night surprised me with gifts and having the wait staff sing happy birthday accompanied by African drums. Fun stuff, even though another friend almost spoiled the whole surprise. Bad friend, bad. . . (BTW, when do you want me to come over tomorrow?).

I still enjoyed the night and all the brief conversations I had with people, though.

PACKING, PACKING, PACKING. . .

I think I packed a little yesterday, but I'm totally sure. The day went by in a little bit of a blur. Maybe that happened because the fiancee and I got up kind of late.

Oh right. . .yesterday was mostly about getting rid of my credit card debt and addressing my financial errands and last paycheck until I find my next job.

Got up at a better time this morning. Did some errands done that I should've done months ago, like packing up Holiday gifts to people (and yes, holiday. . .one of the friends is Jewish).

Also had to do some troubleshooting with Microsoft Office. Something about one of the recent update patches screwing around with the compatibility of Office and my HP hardware drivers. Dummies dumping this work on me. . ..

Typed up an outline for my BA project with a couple additions to take into account my thinking over the last couple days. Reminds me. . .I really need to call my sponsor to let them know that I only tried to contact the head of advising to figure out a logistical issue, not any real crisis. . .even if I had a small doubt crisis going on at the time. I didn't want them to know about it. . ..

But after all the errands and chores, I did some amount of packing. Two or three boxes, pretty good compared to my one or two boxes a day in the past. Need to get a real move on during the next couple days, though. "D-Day" comes soon.

CONTINUING THE RUMINATION

I really do think that the unconscious thinking of all the stuff that needed to get done with this move over the last couple years really did take its toll out on me and encouraged me to worry and procrastinate more than needed or reasonable.

And made it hard for me to ruminate, which I'm still finding difficult. Darn it.

Oh well, I will get back. I must. It's a part of me.

Things Pile Up: T-8 Days to Relocation

Had an interesting conversation today. It centered around the move to Chicago and the slump that I've felt for awhile now.

I don't really know when the slump started, even though some thought leads me to thinking that it started about two years ago. . .around the time that we moved into our current apartment.

The fiancee and our dinner companion for the night made an interesting observation that even just the idea of a move and impermaneance can make it real in the mind. Having this idea in my head, I subconsciously gathered together anxiety, which lead me to stressing about all these big changes that WOULD happen in a year or so instead of having my thoughts on something in the present.

Kind of annoying that I fell into such an ugly trap. I guess it's a part of being human, though.

Oh well. Best I can do is deal with it and move on, I guess.

Funny that I'm saying "guess" a lot. Wonder if that means anything.

RANDOM THOUGHT

Sometimes I reflect upon sitcoms, serial shows, etc. etc. Do things just NOT happen between episodes. Does day to day life happen without any interesting incident or does anything interesting happen between the episodes?

How modern or postmodern. . .I don't even know if that kind of question falls into the modern or postmodern category.

Such silly ruminations.

Busy During Unsettling Silence: T-9 Days Until Relocation

I guess things on this Blog have been more quiet than I had originally thought. Since the countdown to my relocation, I thought my readers had left at least one comment an entry. Silly me, thinking I'm more popular than I am.

Sadly, though, I also haven't had too much communication with friends or acquaintences over e-mail lately, either. I think this trend has occurred over the last couple years, though. Nothing to pinpoint as the cause for this trend, just a sad one that I've noticed.

Always possible to blame me being way too busy. Other people have probably gotten quite busy or have had more surveilance at work. I figure this stuff happens more and more as we grow older.

PROGRESS ON THE MOVE

This morning, got my haircut with the fiancee then we drove home.

I spent most of the afternoon after that pricing up and organizing some Magic cards. Somewhat surprised by how lucrative the pricing has come. I haven't even inventoried half the cards, and I've already priced up about $1,000 worth.

Afterward, packed up a bunch of books and some other miscellania in my office then moved all the makeshift milk carton shelves into the other room along with three big shelves that I had in there. Took out a whole bunch of trash and recyclables.

The fiancee sold one of the couches to the friend. We've also put a whole bunch of shelves and other stuff in the sun room for the Salvation Army to take away. We also have some shelves and couches in the other room to give away, too. They should be coming tomorrow.

I also want to really do some important chores tomorrow, a little more packing and probably price up some more Magic cards to get an even better idea of how much those cards could possibly get me.

In the meanwhile, I get wait for the Salvation Army people to show up and pick up the stuff. I think I also have some plans in the works to meet up with a friend to watch a movie and hang out in the city. He needs to get in touch with me, though. Maybe I should call him. . .that might organize things a little better.

SMALL AMOUNT OF REFLECTION

This whole moving thing has progressed relatively well. I feel a little guilty that I haven't done as much as I could. The fiancee says I've been doing a fine job, though, especially with all the other things that I have to address. . .even though I guess the whole selling the Magic cards really should be on the back burner in comparison to the move and finding a job.

Curse you, Magic, for absorbing me as much as you do.

Nonetheless, as the move progresses well, it somewhat overwhelms me. I feel it happening quicker than I had imagined it would. Not saying that I thought it would go slowly. . .I just feel it taking on a life of its own and not as something that we can consciously reflect upon too much as it happens. Simply put, it will happen, no matter what we do, and we can just ride along on its progress, as much as we put the original intention to do it and have put the whole process into motion.

I still can't stop feeling overwhelmed by he whole process. This whole overwhelming feeling could possibly have started awhile ago, years ago, when the fiancee and I started dating. I don't regret anything, but as with the move, itself, life seems to have taken on a consciousness of its own since then.

Of course, only shortly before dating her, a few months to be exact, I had taken my first "career" job, a position that I had for four years. That's quite a bit of commitment and dedication to give anywhere.

I also had done a lot of work on my novel and final school project. Back then, I felt a lot more confident about the whole thing even though I knew quite a bit less about the topic. For awhile afterward, I knew enough to get wholly confused and understand what didn't work but not really know how to make progress on the thing. Yet I kept pushing and searching for an answer.

Searching for answers, a took a couple classes. They help build up my confidence but didn't really help me find any answers.

I started doubting my path and ability to reach the end of that path, so I started seeing a career counsellor then after using up our meetings, I bought a whole bunch of career and marketing my skills books. With that information and close to moving time, I started working on getting myself a job. I have yet to get that job in Chicago, but I'm jumping all over the place here.

My communities have changed a lot, too. I moved across the river from the Cambridge/Somerville area to the Allston/Brighton and Newton areas. This adventure encompassed living totally on my own, somewhat, in a studio, subletting once with a bunch of interesting then addressing the issue of moving in with the fiancee when we were just dedicated partners.

Church became less important to me. When I first moved into the Boston area, I started going to the First Parish in Harvard Square just about every Sunday. Even when I didn't do that, I tried making it to the Men's Group discussions and the Young Adult Group social gatherings, which changed character over the couple years I took part. . .some of which I helped mediate, even though I didn't like the final result of that process. Interestingly enough, the results I didn't like occurred roundabout the time I started dating the fiancee.

Becoming closer with the fiancee, I got embraced into her social group, which a mutual friend had been part of for awhile. Some friends from high school pretty much reunited with me, if not as frequently as in the past, at least through communication on the Internet. I drifted away from some friends from church while focusing on some other friends. Other friends moved out of the state for numerous reasons or drifted away naturally. Had some good and bad patches with friends from college while others in that group disappeared.

Joined many Internet mailing groups, ranging from Science Fiction and TV topics, psychiatric health topics in hopes of learning more about myself and political groups, most of which I had to abandon because I found myself investing too much energy into them.

Friendster and MySpace have made their appearanaces. I don't care much about MySpace, but Friendster works OK with me and helps me to stay in touch with a bunch of people who I would probably drift away from normally.

Which makes a good transition into my fighting and accepting the failure to keep in touch with some people who had touched me in the past very much. This move to Chicago has really pushed me to realize the importance of letting go of these people and accepting that they simply don't want to communicate with me. Whatever I had in the past simply hasn't transferred into the present and trying to figure out what went wrong won't solve anything. I simply have to accept that they don't want to communicate with me, no matter how much I try to impress them and I need to just move on with my life.

Happens a lot in this world, I figure.

But now it's pretty late, and my brain has gotten fried.

I really look forward to getting done with this move, which will pretty much taken about a month now since we'll have to transition through a temporary week-by-week tenancy at a hotel then into our Chicago apartment near the end of May, and finding myself a good job. Once I get that stuff done, I think I can get back to my college project and also back to having some good, thoughtful ruminations along with a good bit of sanity and steadiness.

Even though I figure planning the wedding and honeymoon will cause all sorts of interesting stress, too.

Ah well. . .I'll deal with that stuff when it comes. Life is full of this stuff, isn't it?

Back Home Again: T-11 Days to Relocation

Thanks to everyone who showed the fiancee and me support over the weekend.

Also, amazing how well a Blog can keep people updated on my life. It helped to clear up a little communication mixup with a friend over the weekend because of the screwed up apartment situation.

One good lesson: If someone has a Blog and updates it on a regular basis, read it on a regular basis. You may pick up some important information about their current life situation that you may not get if you tried catching them by phone or through e-mail.

THE REST OF THE STORY

Monday morning, the fiancee and I met up with the current tenants of the place we found on Easter Sunday night and the management company. We filled out the applications. Unfortunately, the company told us that we probably wouldn't hear back from them until Wednesday, a couple days later and the original day we planned on heading back.

We took the rest of the day easy and called off all the other apartment appointments. Figured that checking them out would just waste a bunch of time, ours and their's.

The day filled us with plenty of trepidation. I had left my job effectively last Friday. Combined, we also had some spotty parts of our credit history.

Nonetheless, at some point, we rescheduled our flight home to Tuesday, a day earlier than we originally planned. We really wanted to get home for something happening Tuesday night and also to deal with a ton of errands, packing and job searching that needed doing.

That night, while watching some Law and Order and before heading out to dinner, we got a call from the management company, two days ahead of schedule, to tell us that we got the apartment. Woohoo! We just needed to stop by their office Tuesday morning to sign the lease and drop off a certified check in time to make a flight at Midway Airport at noon.

Pretty early in the morning, we woke up, had some breakfast, stopped by a bank, got a certified check, dropped it off at the management company and signed the lease, ran back to the hotel, caught a cab to the L then ran from the Midway stop to our gate, pretty much five minutes before they started boarding the plane. Exhausting and quite fitting to the whole weekend.

But the weekend turned out quite worth it. Like I said, we've fallen in love with this 900 sq. ft. apartment that has turned out exponentially better than the previous apartment and only costs something like $70 more a month. Great view, awesome interior, affordable laundry, great location near a 24-hour diner, the Lake, a couple minute walk away from church and some other awesome features. Woohoo!

FUN AFTER GETTING HOME

Got home yesterday at around 3ish after an hour drive back from the Manchester (soon to be name Manchester-Boston Area Aiport, apparently) airport. Rested for awhile then went out for some great Indian food in Jamaica Plain with some good friends and interesting people then off to karaoke at the Milky Way Cafe. I did get up to perform on my own, but I got up to do backing vocals for the fiancee and danced quite a bit.

Good fun.

LOTS OF DRIVING AROUND FOR ERRANDS TODAY

That really about says it.

Tomorrow, bunch of job searching, packing and some errands.

Honestly, though, I appreciate that kind of slow life compared to rushing across half the country on a plane for an errand.

I'm getting somewhat anxious about riding on planes lately, after all. Nothing rational at all, just worrying about what could happen to it while I ride it.

Surreal Weekend: T-14 Days to Relocation

The fiancee and I have had one of the wierdest weekends in a long while, as many readers already know.

When we got home from work Friday, my last day, we opened a letter that told us we no longer had an apartment secured for us in Chicago. Suffice to say, we went through a couple stages of acceptance that night. I'm not yet sure we have made it to the end yet. . .but we're getting close.

Amidst the anger and bargaining and cursing, we booked a flight out to Chicago for the next evening then booked a sweet hotel room the next morning. The plan: get to Chicago, find a new place to live effectively sometime between 5/1 and 6/1 after boarding a plane at 6:45ish in Manchester, NH.

Until we leave the apartment that afternoon, we had three friends over who helped the fiancee pack up a bunch of our stuff and another friend over to buy some Magic cards.

BTW, I've decided to quit Magic and sell my cards. . .getting rid of the addict's drug to spend more time with the fiancee and kittens. Figuring that I could better spend my procrastination reading, browsing the Web or watching TLC, Animal Planet, the History Channel or the Discovery Channel, which will help me have more topics for discussion.

The packers did a great job. They packed the same amount of boxes that had been packed before and doubled that amount. We plan on getting back to Boston Wednesday (Tuesday if things work out perfectly), which will give us a week to pack before the movers come pick up our stuff.

We got in last night, got room service, watched some TV then hit the sack.

Today, on Easter Sunday, we looked at three apartments in the morning, took a long nap, got a massage (oh yeah, so stressed out on the way to the airport that I pulled a neck muscle while driving over a roadside curb -- and figured that we needed something to relieve the stress of this weekend) then saw another apartment.

We've fallen in love with the last apartment. Tomorrow, we need to meet up with the current tenant and the management company to have our financials checked and to sign paperwork if everything works out all right. We feel very very excited about it and hope that everything works out. . .especially since this place is MUCH MUCH better than the orignal apartment secured.

Maybe my mom knew what she was talking about when I talked to her Friday night, all angry about the situation, to let her know that we wouldn't make it Easter dinner. The original apartment could've fallen through so that this new arrangement could work, especially since we'll be helping the people who live there now a whole bunch. Maybe this whole immensely stressful and surreal weekend happened for the best.

Tomorrow, we will know for sure.

Hope you have had a less stressful weekend!

Cookies Taste Good: T-17 Days Until Relocation

Second to last day at work, co-workers get me two boxes of vegan cookies, chocolate chocolate chip and oatmeal. They both taste very very scrumptious!

I also received a touching card that I could show to interviewers if they ever ask what my past employer would say about me. My boss/dad said that I'm a great asset to the company and will regret losing me.

Customers and associates at insurance companies have also been giving me plenty of accolades and expressing regret at seeing me leave.

As much as I don't really like working in insurance, a metaphorical tear runs down my face.

MAGIC LAST NIGHT WITH THE GUYS

Unfortunately, can't say that I've accomplished much more than that over the past couple days.

Last night, played some Magic not so great at the gaming store across the river. I didn't play as horribly as I originally think back to it, looking back in hindsight.

Coming down from one beer without much in my belly might have contributed to my bad mood along with some moral indignation at an illegal move that someone else made that I had to accept (but proved was illegal today through e-mail. . .hah!).

I also did some damage to the other guys, though, just not as much as I'd like.

NOT MUCH ELSE ACCOMPLISHED

Tonight, I organized some cards one of the guys gave me as a birthday gift (note to readers: my birthday happens May 12), which used up a bit of time. Probably not the best idea, but I'll probably do some deck construction later while watching some TiVoed TV.

Speaking of TiVo, anyone else record The Daily Show and The Colbert Report and not have enough time to watch it all before it fills up your TiVo, so you end up not recording the shows that you really really REALLY REALLY want, like Lost, Doctor Who, or Scrubs? Sucks.

Read the job message board on the Chicago Craigslist and did some research on a financial information/publishing firm that has an editorial position open. Could be an interesting prospect. I just hope that I do the research quickly enough to dazzle them with my resume and cover letter.

NOT WORRIED ABOUT BEDTIME

So I'm not too worried about my bedtime. After all, tomorrow's my last day at work.

I just need to make sure I get to bed at a good time tomorrow night. After all, hiking a mountain or two on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to the hiking. I haven't done anything good in nature or too strenous for months, maybe even almost a year.

Being busy with tons of things sucks.

At least I'm making some degree of progress on my college Project. Worked on the outline today.

Which reminds me again: Have to call adviser to let him know that most everything's going good, and I will get this darn thing done.

For now, though, I'm signing off. Goodnight.

Lex has Taken Fate in His Hands: T-19 Days to Relocation

I'm proud of myself.

After wasting last week and last night on feeling sorry for myself and lonely because of all this crap I have to do, I have been brainstorming and outlining for the Marlboro Plan Project on my commute and tonight, I did some job stuff.

Not much to say about the Project. I've still got a lot going on in the clouds. Then again, the Project has metaphorical Cities in the Clouds and Chimerae as its topic so can you blame me?

As for the job search, I just sent my resume to a Literary Agency that just started up. The guy who owns it posted a request for manuscripts on the Chicago Craigslist. I don't have a manuscript yet, but even before I seriously started a real search, I made up a resume for the purpose of applying to literary agencies. How cool would it be if this worked out?

I WOULD WRITE MORE BUT BLOGGER SEEMS TO BE ON THE FRITZ

Lex Don't Have Game: T-21 Days to Relocation

I'm certainly not at the top of my game these days.

It probably has to do with the stress from so much going on at once.

1) Moving halfway across the country

2) Searching for a job when I get halfway across the country

3) Cleaning up everything at my current job by the end of this week

4) Packing

5) Scheduling all types of appointments to polish things up around here

6) Seeing as many people as possible before leaving the area while doing everything else

7) Figuring out what the heck is going on with my academic avocation

8) Coming up with some kind of thesis statement for a paper I'm working on

9) Setting up an appointment with my Project/Plan advisors

10) Planning for a wedding just a little more than a year in the future

11) Trying to keep a relationship going with passion and love

12) This BLOG

I'm saddened that I put the relationship as 2nd to last. I think I'll rationalize that one by saying that it stresses me out the least. =D

But after listing 12 things that have me all stressed out and worried, I can't wonder too much about why I procrastinated a whole ton this week when I got home for work.

This whole procrastinating thing doesn't feel like me, though, especially when I can't come up with a plethora of ideas to riff on that no one really understands on my Blog.

Crap and ugh.

A FUNNY THING ABOUT WRITER'S BLOCK

The more I focus on it, the less I write.

Again: T-22 Days to Relocation

I've done it again. Stayed up late, got plenty distracted and feel as if I haven't gotten much done.

Ah well, it's Friday.

Starting with 'Ugh': T-23 Days Until Relocation

I don't mean to stay up as late as I do.

Things just get away on me.

I have to do chores and errands.

Then I get distracted the TV and other silly things.

At the end, I find myself still up at 10:30, hungry because I haven't eaten much and disappointed because I haven't finished the things that I wanted to do.

The next morning, I get to wake up, work for 8 hours and commute 2 hours for a job that doesn't touch my soul on a regular basis then back home in the evening for the same old cycle of getting nothing done.

Annoying, I tell you, annoying.

Especially when I can't get a decent thought track to latch onto for sharing with my readers.

Blast it!

Not Taking the Time to Think

With the help of a career counsellor and a couples counsellor over the span of a year or so, I've gathered that I don't sit down, think and prepare for big things like meetings, job interviews, dates and the such.

Apparently to get what I want out of them, I've got to sit down, think and prepare for them.

Does anyone else have this problem?

Yet Another Saturday: T-29 Days Until Relocation

I didn't accomplish nearly as much as I would have liked today.

Instead of doing job search stuff in the beginning, I addressed some financial things and tried to pay my taxes in a convenient way. Of course, things have yet to work out my way. I still have to wait for an e-mail from H&R Block.

The IRS isn't Burger King, after all.

Otherwise, sent out a follow up letter on an interesting looking research position and updated resumes and cover letters on a couple company Websites.

Tonight, people come over to hang out and possibly play some games.

The other day, I went with the fiancee to watch her play polo and hang out with her polo friends afterward. Fun time hanging and just shooting the poop with people. Been awhile since I could just lay back and hang out.

Not much else to report, sir.

Getting Back into the Groove

Got back from Chicago a couple days ago. Haven't really gotten back into the groove of home life only to get out of it again to make the final move to Chicago.

Ugh.

The Orb Says. . .

Something that I don't know yet. The fiancee and I will see them on Monday at the Metro on Clark Street. Going to this concert will come as one of those interesting fortuitous events that may not have presented itself outside of the vacation.

I also have fun seeing bands that I like in cities where I don't currently live, even though it will all happen in my future neighborhood.

BUT UP UNTIL NOW

Pretty much the same type of stuff has been happening since I last wrote.

The fiancee and I just got back from eating at the Green Zebra, a vegetarian/vegan restaurant with a fish entree south of here. I don't know which neighborhood. Good food, good service.

I just made the mistake of having a couple glasses of wine and some tea. You probably don't want to hear the rest of that story.

Otherwise, though, I would say check it out if you want some good food and want a mellow adventure. Mellow works as the best adjective because the food tastes like food anyone would like and not like that distinctive taste that vegan food can have that scares omnivore/carnivore people away. Pooh on them.

Too bad I don't remember the dishes or really have the energy to provide a full review. Little too late right now, and I have to type up a resume then send it off to a couple ads on Craig's List. You won't hear much more of a description about the opportunities from me, though. Maybe once I get one of the positions.

WE ALSO HAD SOME GOOD LAUGHS

The fiancee and I have come to appreciate the multitude of comedy clubs here in Chicago.

One of the first times we came, a friend of a friend bought us tickets to Second City, named after the fact that at one time, Chicago was the second largest city in the United States after New York City. Once again, I don't remember too many of the details from that night, but we had a pretty good time laughing a lot.

Apparently, Second City has two other venues, Second City College and something like Second City, etc. We haven't visited those clubs, but the fact that one organization has three comedy clubs says something about the city. . .maybe that it likes a good laugh.

We went to a comedy club last night called The Playground. Two comedy troupes put on 45 minute skits each. Once again, I find myself too tired to remember many details, but the fiancee and I enjoyed a lot of the skits, almost too my surprise.

My surprise comes partially from the smallness and intimacy of the venue. They had it set up like a theater with only three rows of movie seats. We sat in the third row, but I had the impression that the comedians stood and ran about right in our faces. The hosts also came up to talk with us a little in ways to let us know how the place worked and so forth.

In a way, the intimacy felt awkward, as if we acted as voyeurs, sitting in on this private performance that a small group had put on for their friends. They more than likely appreciated that we had come and paid the cover, I'm sure, but realizing those facts didn't necessarily push the feeling away. The comedy and unabashed showmanship of the comedians did.

While looking through the Chicago papers and wandering around the city, though, we've seen plenty of comedy venues. The name of one really sticks in my head: The Improv Kitchen. The description of it doesn't totally appeal to me, though. You eat a meal there, but instead of having a comedian servicing you with funniness on stage in front of you, you watch them on a small TV at your table.

Long story short, though, Chicago has plenty of comedy for those who want it.

BYOB

The fiancee and I have felt completely fascinated by the Bring Your Own Beverage custom that Chicago seems to have. At least most of the establishments in our future neighborhood do it. We haven't taken advantage of it, but we look forward to doing it.

Last night at The Playground, we just saw people pulling out cans of beer or popping them open while wandering around this theater. I don't know how to accurately describe my fascination with seeing it, but the fiancee and I look forward to picking up some drinks then heading on over to the comedy club for some good laughs and drinks. . .especially after living in the Puritan city of Boston for so long.

Chicago is sooooooooooooooooo different.

I need to head on over to typing and posting that resume, though.

More will get written later. Don't worry. . ..

3rd Night in Chicago

Mostly been tooling around Chicago, eating, exploring and so on and so forth.

Haven't done any career stuff other than research, though, which I had planned on doing originally. Like I told some people already, however, my hope of visiting temp agencies that specialize in editing, copywriting or public relations really wouldn't do much for me.

I need to reconsider my job search strategy and the type of job that I'll take until I can go back to school or finish my Marlboro Project (no longer calling it a thesis).

Tomorrow we will take a look at one site for the wedding.

I should call the good friend that I have in the city to try meet up for a meal or something. . ..

Artsy. . .

I kid you not. . .

Tomorrow. . . . . .

I got to Chicago. . . . . . . . . .

For a. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Week!

Poop on Technology

Instead of thinning out my inbox so that I can better organize my job search, I had to let my computer do its monthly adware destruction, registry cleanup (the first two occurs twice a week, actually) and full-computer virus scan. Argh!

Not a big deal, really. I accomplished what I had intended: fixed up my resume nicely for temp agency visits this week during my visit to Chicago.

Also got to do a little extra "reward" reading.

Still on the straight thought highway to landing a job, though.

Online Job Sites

Don't trust them. I have never seen them reliably format anything you upload to them or try to format in their text windows.

Jerks.

After spending about two hours struggling with a couple of these job boards and shopping today for another suit and some clothes (only really intended on getting a sport jacket. . .but one thing leads to another).

I look forward to finally get a job I like. I've dedicated approximately a year, so far, to accomplishing this goal.

Eat your heart out, Chicagoland job scene! Here I come.

Undependable

I guess I haven't been all that dependable when it comes to updating this Blog.

Tonight is a little different.

Not by much, though. I've had something of a stomach/digestive tract issue today. Not exactly sure what it's really about, but it stopped me from going to work and made me take things easy today.

I can't really bring myself to say much more, though. I should get some sleep so that I can hopefully feel good tomorrow.

Here's to health!

Productivity

HEALTHINESS

Lately, I've had issues with low blood sugar and consequently, not getting enough protein. This issue made it difficult for productive efforts last week. Tuesday night, I pretty much just watched Scrubs (BTW, awesome entry) then fell asleep on the couch until the fiance came home to wake me.

(Sometimes. . .now being one of those times, I have this strange feeling of connection with JD from Scrubs and his inner monologue. I think it happens a lot while writing in this Blog).

Trying to deal with the whole low blood sugar/protein issue, I did some research. I learned that for my body weight, I should be eating 49 or 50 g of protein a day (Your weight in pounds * .35 = how much protein you should be eating a day, supposedly).

I hit, according to my calculations at midday, about 25 g. I'm too tired to calculate how much I ate during the whole day. If the midday calculation is any use, I probably did hit the amount of protein I need.

Thinking about this protein calculation often makes me value my cruelty free diet (not so vegan). Whereas people who love their and would like to keep my body weight and stay healthy probably should only eat two hamburgers or a steak and a half or something equivalent to that, I can eat quite a bit during the day and have a hard time getting past 50 g of protein in a day.

I enjoy the taste of food. I like staying healthy. I like to maximize the things I like. This relationship between my health and the taste for good food works well.

THE MOMENTOUS JOB SEARCH

With the help of Resumes for Dummies, I revised the first page of my resume. It now provides more pleasure to look at, does a better job highlighting how I've demonstrated applicable skills in positions not so relevant to the ones I want and makes explicit that those responsibilities demonstrate those skills.

Tomorrow I will work on the second page then try revising the cover letter to make it much more exciting for prospective employers.

I really should get the resume all jazzed up, though, because I need to make appointments with temp agencies for next week when the fiance and I visit Chicago again.

THEN I'll revise the cover letter.

And after that. . .I will get myself a friggin' job to love.

Identity

MY EDUCATION

I've already inspired some discussion affirming me going back to school somewhere other than Marlboro and not finishing my Plan of Concentration.

Today, I had epiphany about how things started going wrong.

To illuminate the whole thing, I'll quote the Marlboro College (or as some refer to it, "That School"):

What is a Plan? An integrated study that focuses on an area of the curriculum or on a set of related questions or issues that cross disciplinary boundaries...

* an integrated course of study planned by the student
* in one or more areas of the curriculum
* under the guidance of a faculty sponsor or sponsors
* approved by the entire faculty

[. . .]

How do you do a Cross-Disciplinary Plan? Carefully.
Such Plans involve study in two or three different fields, sometimes with fairly equal distribution of weight, sometimes with one field clearly dominant. Whatever the structure, a cross-disciplinary Plan should have the same goal as a single-field Plan. That goal is the investigation in depth of a single problem or a set of clearly related problems. In cross-disciplinary Plans, it is the notion of clearly related that determines the success of such Plans in meeting the stated goal. Any student who ignores or forgets this essential Plan concept risks considerable disappointment when the whole is finally evaluated.

[. . .]

DON'TS
. . .
3. Don't forget that it is your responsibility to maintain a strong focus on your central question/ project, and to consult with your teachers and sponsor if you have any misgivings about the direction of your work.

Suffice to say, this e-mail that I sent to the fiancee sums up my experience:

I took on more than I could chew. Not because of what Marlboro required of me but because of misunderstanding on my part and miscommunication.

Marlboro doesn't require a thesis. It requires some kind of project, which generally includes papers that are related by topic but not by some problem or thesis statement necessarily. They can just address a topic from different angles or different "expressions" of a topic (like three different novels).

As for the miscommunication, I took on the sociology teacher as a sponsor, but I really just wanted to draw on sociology for theory and understanding. I didn't want to study sociology or even real life utopias/dystopias, per se. And somehow, I couldn't get this part across. . ..

Fun, fun, fun. . .not really.

Unfortunately, I have to focus on getting a job before even thinking about going back to school.

WILL WORK FOR EXPERIENCE AND NEED EXPERIENCE FOR WORK

My life situation has become something of a Catch-22 similar to the one a band experiences when it first starts gigging. I need work to get experience, but I can't get work without experience (unless I take an internship, then I can hardly pay the bills to survive to work).

The whole Catch-22 wouldn't give me trouble except that it grates on my self esteem and mood. Lacking a demonstrated education (in the form of an associates or bachelors) doesn't help, either.

Neither do I want to work some job that will bore me.

I feel like I can't do anything except insurance, but I don't like the insurance industry. It came as a fallback job years ago. When I try, I can make up descriptions that make it sound noble and even exciting.

On an everyday level, though, it bores me.

Having the feeling that I don't have skills to offer and that I feel strained marketing myself (when I generally don't do well talking about myself in the first place), I feel useless as a member of society.

It sucks, but I've got to get going to a games night.

Maybe that will get my mind off of my bad-employment self esteem.

Disappearing Tricks

I guess I've disappeared a couple times over the last couple weeks.

This moving thing has gotten pretty stressful. Monday night at the couples counsellor, I got a little emotionally worked up because the fiance wanted to come up with an education plan for me and the counsellor fell into the trap that everyone does: trying to help me by trying to come up with ways to negotiate less work, different advisors, etc. etc. when I've tried everything.

Tuesday night, I just shut down, felt depressed and fell asleep on the couch. It could've happened because I had a whole plastic thing of watermelon, though, just went hypoglycemic, making me feel horrible and depressed and so on and so forth.

The fiance and I went out for dinner last night with someone I hadn't seen for awhile. Funny really. We needed something like two months to schedule the dinner out so that I could give him his Christmas gift. Other than the gift, though, we had a fun time just getting to know each other more. Always fun to learn about someone you've known for years but never hang out with.

THESIS PROGRESS

Have been making some habitual progress on thinking about the thesis. After five years, finally have come up with some of a useful definition for utopia (duh!):

Utopia - 1. An archetype of an organizational type that is generally seen as good 2. An organization that attempts to embody an ideal or set of ideals.

Dystopia - 2. An archetype of an organizational type that is generally seen as horrible. 2. An organization that embodies a horrible organization archetype.

I have to thank Kik from the City-of-Kik and City-of-Utopia fame, a Yahoogroups list, for coming up with his own description of utopia that inspired my definition for it.

JOB SEARCH

Bought three more Dummies books last night:

* Job Hunt
* Cover Letters
* Resumes

I've only read a couple pages in the Cover Letters one, but it's provided some really great advice for sending job inquiries over the Internet in the new information transitory age.

Now, though, I really should get moving onto the job search and setting up my new Palm Z22.

Afternoon Haiku #1

The cats layabout.
   I've just awoken, relaxed.
Darn! Nothing to write.

Busy Moving Intellectually

Wow. . .almost exactly 60 days until the lease runs out on this place and the fiancee and I move halfway across the country to Chicago. Kinda freaky.

I possibly may have spoken too soon yesterday about giving up on the thesis. Today, I found another possible angle in a subfield of Social Pyschology, Social Judgment. Not yet sure if it will lead me anywhere productive, but I might as well give it a shot.

In the meanwhile, I will still entertain the idea of going back to school. When the fiancee and I visit Chicago next week, I will visit a few schools along with checking out a place for our wedding in a little more than a year and any possible job leads and temp agencies I may find.

A couple minutes ago, I applied to another job. Feel pretty confident that I'll get a response to this one. I jazzed up the cover letter much better than I have in the past to make it more specific to the company.

I really have been busy lately, even though I don't feel as if I'm going anywhere yet. Sadly, it exhausts me and doesn't really give me much time to contemplate things. Then again, I think the ADHD medication has also quieted my obsessive ruminations, too, which has bored my mind a little.

Oh well. . ..

Sick of Floundering

I'm entertaining the idea of going back to school rather than finish my thesis.

Trying to find an angle for the thesis has become really really frustrating. Most of the scholarly stuff out there about utopianism, I can translate from academia to understandable brainwaves. Then I can't see where stuff from a pure interpretative viewpoint gets the ideas.

After the problem of trying to digest the information comes trying to find some kind of angle that applies to both literature and historical instances of utopianism.

If I do go back to school, I want to go for the same subject. I want to refine it. I want to learn more about how to approach the topic. I may drop the historical side or not, but I do want to get this thing done, so I can move onto more interesting professional endeavors, problems and familial challenges like having kids, owning a home and so forth.

I ran into something called Activity Theory that looks it could help. Unfortunately, I've grown pretty cynical of these great theories that sound like they could help with the thesis. I may investigate a little deeper for the sake of curiousity.

Unless something comes up fortuitously, though, I'll just read the book I ordered from Amazon.com about attending school as an adult, make meetings during another March trip to Chicago then possibly apply if one of their programs sound good.

I've had enough of this floundering.

Tired

Dang, I'm tired and unfortunately, haven't really done that much because of feeling drowsy over the last couple nights.

It stinks.

Jumping with Joy About Another Lackluster Day

Other than printing out a job ad the fiancee found for me and working on the copy writing project for ClimateSAVE, I spent my evening finding out how GMail isn't made my way and how to arrange a work around.

I also did some good reading during the day along with work at the job. Feeling frustrated that I'm not getting enough reading done in this book and feeling extremely excited about it, I decided to forgo reading newspapers until I'm done with the current queue of books to read or until they get boring.

Hopefully other people have had more excitement.

Back Home in Boston

Had another just about regular day. Only big difference being that instead of job searching or working on projects after work today, I did some errands. Still going to bed later than I want or should.

Sent an e-mail for an editorial assistant at a company that sounds somewhat interesting, most especially the entertainment division. Sure, that division has more of a Pop edge than I would like, but it has potential.

The fiancee and I found an apartment we really like in Lakeview, around Wrigley Park and the Chicago Diner. The place has less room than we have now, but it still has a good amount of it. We'll have to pare down our possessions (if anyone needs any furniture or cooking ware, contact me. . .) and do a good amount of adjusting our designing preferences, but I think this place can work well.

Unfortunately, we don't necessarily have the place yet. We just submitted an application, a signed lease and an initial deposit. The building manager said that we should hear back from the landlord in about a week unless they have more questions.

Crossing our fingers. . .

Also crossing my fingers to finding a good, enjoyable job.

Epiphanies in Chicago

Nothing drastic, really.

I just spent some time on my old mailserver through the Web.

Usually, I download my e-mail through a POP3 connection. . .quicker, allows me better organization and flexibility and if I don't have access to the 'Net, I can still work on my e-mail.

So. . .yeah, I checked it out and found nearly 600 messages in a folder marked 'Deleted' and some other folders that I apparently made when I first started using that mail service. I switched over to gmail mainly because of the limited space on this mail server, which I didn't understand how I used up all the time. . .with only something like 200 messages in my inbox. I guess I now know. I deleted all the messages in the deleted folder and the other folders and now have plenty of sapce.

Go figure.

I'm still going through with the switchover to gmail since that's a free service. I've just found another good reason for the switchover. Anyone ever hear of "extra service."

POUNDING THE LIVING SPACE PAVEMENT

So we nearly froze our faces off in the feels like -5 degree weather, jumping on buses, subways and taxis to travel around the Uptown, Lincoln Park, Lincoln Square and Lakeview areas. Also took a trip up to Andersonville last night to have dinner and hang out with a friend that I had met on the train commute back in Boston.

Good times.

But the fiancee and I found three apartments that fit our criteria so far. Won't get into any major details, but we've got four appointments today with building managers and individual unit owners.

Thankfully, it's little warmer today. Maybe we'll just freeze off our noses today.

TRANSITION FEELINGS

Really have had much time to contemplate the ambivalence of moving. Thanks, though, for the commiseration, June.

Honestly, though, I think I like the feel of Chicago architecture better than the old style of Boston. The Chicago architecture, at least in the residential areas, just projects this gritty, hard working, down to earth feeling. The city has much more brick buildings than wood frame ones. I guess it also can look a little drab even though the occasional building has some interesting exterior decorations.

On the occasional interior, though, you find treasures of updated yet vintage styles. Good windows, insulation, utilities, sinks, nice walls, etc. etc. but you get the flavor of the early twentieth century. Instead of feeling as if you're living in a building with tons of memory but tons of age, I get the feeling of a building that has lots of experience that has taken a dip in the Fountain of Youth.

Even the not so great places have a humble charm. As I mentioned above about the exterior, they still broadcast that gritty, hard working and earthy feeling. I guess they broadcast something of a "We would have done better if we could but our jobs didn't necessarily pay us so well, so we're going to do the best with what we've got." I feel a certain, strong, upright dignity about these buildings that just will face a lot of hardship but won't give up.

Boston has a lot of history, but seriously I don't necessarily feel all that dignity there. I can almost feel a certain decadence or hopelessness because of everyone else's decadence.

But now we have to go out and eat so I will end my poetics.

Until another day.

Cold in Chicago

Left work early yesterday at 3:30 and took a Southwest flight from Manchester, NH to Midway Airport in Chicago. The ride went a little bumpy but nothing to worry about after the trip.

The attendant who made the announcements had plenty of jokes, like "When you hit turbulence, shift happens," "I'm going to turn the lights off in the back to make the stewardess prettier" and after announcing a bunch of safety stuff, "Yada yada yada, due to lack of interest, the rest of this announcement has been cancelled."

Unfortunately, we had these two teenage girls behind us blabbing and in front of us, this guy with two kids who played some kind video player without headphones. I wanted to sleep, but instead, I put on my headphones and read a little.

After taking a train, a bus and braving the cold weather of Chicago (not all that bad, really. . .like Boston. . .even though there's something about feeling cold somewhere you don't know like the back of your hand compared to feeling cold in your hometown, even though Chicago gives me the feeling of home more and more), the fiancee and I reached the hotel, pretty much right next to the bus stop.

Check into the hotel at about 10:30. Clerk tells us that there's a Mediterranean just around the corner, but he thinks it closes at 11. We drop our stuff off in the room then run to the restaurant at 10 minutes to 11. The waiter lets us come in, serves us and we get out of the place with nice atmosphere in just a half hour (we got a great idea for having small tables and rolling them out when having guests and parties over for dinner or something like that).

Finally get into bed at about 12:30.

Got up this morning at around 7:30. It's now about quarter of 9.

We need to leave the hotel about 9:30 to make it to our first apartment search appointment. I think we have about five today, then we meet a friend for dinner. I'm expecting to get pretty exhausted by the end of the day.

Before I get off to breakfast and sign off from the blogverse, though, I need to express my ambivalence about this move. There's the usual distaste for the packing, unpacking, rearranging the apartment, working with movers, getting used to a new apartment, etc. etc., but that's not the center of my ambivalence.

Other than that, I'm actually pretty excited about the move. Mainly leaving New England excites me. From my limited experience, I find the people in the Midwest more friendly. The price of living is cheaper. Chicago is bigger and has so many more things to do, especially free things (like being able to see fireworks on Wednesday and Saturday nights during the summer, interesting art installations in the city, the zoo and so forth).

And up until about a week ago, I didn't feel all that bad about leaving Boston. Then I started noticing that I really couldn't spare the time to visit people further from my traveling comfort zone in Boston, mainly because I had a job search to do and didn't want to get all tired and sick from staying out late on the weeknights. I've been getting to like getting into bed at a good time on weeknights. But the weekends are pretty full of the job search and such, too. . ..

So it's not so much an ambivalence about leaving the city of Boston, even though I guess there's a little about missing the short buildings in Cambridge, Somerville and the other suburbs or even the skyline of Boston from Memorial Drive, the kind of view of a city that I wouldn't get in Chicago except if I took a ferry out onto Lake Michigan or hang out on Navy Pier. I guess, in the end, there's just an ambivalence about not having the "ease" to see friends, needing to make new friends and just missing the spirit exuded by the buildings and landscape of Boston.

It's kind of strange, really. I haven't really explored the feeling all that much yet just because it has shown its ugly head, but I need to get down to breakfast now. The feeling will probably make itself more known over the next month or so and give me more opportunity to become more articulate about it.

For now, though, I really need to get that breakfast.

Yum.

Morning Haiku #4

I feel something big,
    as if I am one with all.
But I am just one.

Misc

Not much happening, really, just being pretty productive.

Last night, did about half of my twice a month finance maintenance.

Also had some funky dreams, one of them about Charlie Jade coming to the US. Not only that, though, they were showing a second season. Woohoo! Too bad it's not real.

Also taking my thesis into this convergence of utopia, dystopia, organization theory, social cognition and perception, with social cognition being the newest part and social cognition and perception having more to do with each other than anything else. I don't really have anything more specific to say about it, though. I just have a bunch of rumination going through my head trying to make the thesis consistent and closer to my understanding the topic, academically and colliquoally .

Otherwise, tonight finishing up my finance maintenance then packing for the weekend Chicago trip starting tomorrow night.

More Investment Than I Planned

Wooh! I originally budgeted about an hour or an hour and a half to set up a resume then send it to a company via Monster.com.

They ended up wanting it via e-mail. That part really didn't take too much extra time.

Adding some classes and other qualifications that I don't usually put on my resume (my insurance qualifications will help on this one), though, took a little bit of time. Editing the resume for ASCII format added some time, too.

Sheez. . .when they said that you had to personalize your resume and cover letter, I never realized how much time went into the personalization.

Unfortunately, I'm hungry and tired now, so I don't really have the energy or time to channel into other interesting topics.

Transitioning to Charlie Jade

G-MAIL

So I finally did it. I transitioned to gmail.

I will continue to receive e-mail at imailbox until my subscription with them runs out, but please expect to receive replies from my gmail address.

Please bear with me and make the switch over after you learn my new e-mail address.

Thank you.

CHARLIE JADE YAHOOGROUPS LIST

So I started a Charlie Jade Yahoogroups list for discussion, news sharing, etc. etc.

To subscribe, go onto Yahoo Groups and search for it or please send an e-mail to charliejade-subscribe@yahoogroups.com.

Thank you again!

Snow, Snow and More Snow

Today, it's snowing so much that the supermarket closed. Will have to tomorrow after work and after an appointment that the fiancee and I have.

Took a nap and shoveled the driveway today. May have to shovel it again.

I'm going to try doing the dishes and catching up on my e-mail.

I have negative space left in the box, even though my e-mail program and I just deleted about eighty or so messages. I don't know how much of it is left in the actual mailbox, though. Ugh. . .accessing my e-mail through an e-mail program from two different computers and trying to have a system to it can get so difficult.

Otherwise, not much to report other than had a great Valentine's Dinner at a Morroccan restaurant called Tangierno in Charlestown. They have some great tea and soup. The entree tasted OK, but I'm starting to learn that I like spices the more east that they originate. . .or at least, the use of spices.

I've also done some thinking and reading up on the thesis topic, but I have more pressing things to address like a job search. That's one reason I need to address the e-mail situation. . .all the job related e-mails have become entrenched in the regular e-mails, both on my e-mail programs and emotionally. I need to seperate them and address the more regular ones.

Yay.

Now to go do it.

Unknown Goodness

I feel good today.

I can't pin down why. I've gotten more exercise than usual (skating on the Frog Pond in the Boston Common), I've made sure to have some starch goodness in the morning, I started taking Strattera for the ADHD study I'm taking part in, last week I started taking these protein/vitamin shakes then mid-week started putting peppermint flavoring in it because it tastes horrible without it, got plenty of sleep with some good quality time with the fiancee the last couple nights then today, we've decided to celebrate Valentine's Day instead of on the weekday that it's scheduled.

Normally, I would try to isolate what's helping me feel good or figure what part of the equation deserves what credit. I'm thinking right now, though, just go with it. . .keep doing what you're doing it and enjoy the ride.

I don't want to overload the new things in my life at the moment, however, so as to skew any results for the study. Hopefully they have ways to take into account that kind of margin. Then again, I guess I'm not necessarily a typical person.

For instance, one side of my heart might be bigger than the other. . ..

But I should start getting ready for dinner at the Morroccan restaurant. After a little more than three years, we finally will make it to a Morroccan restaurant with belly dancing. Woohoo!

I have a feeling that the restaurant will beat down the raw food buffet we went to last year. Horrible. . ..

Not Much but Jade

Honestly, I really don't have much to say lately.

I've done a bit more research on my thesis than I should as compared to working or searching for a new job. I've also been trying to catch up on e-mail that I've let load up since October.

But other than that, I really haven't had many articulate thoughts or much action going on since I finished watching Charlie Jade, which we need to get brought into the US so it can be watched here!

Intrigue and Human Drama in the 3 Known Parallel Universes

I just finished watching the first season of Charlie Jade. It's really one of the best genre show I've seen since Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Farscape.

I felt bad after the cancellation of Farscape and especially after Angel, thinking it was the last great genre show on TV. Lost came along, and I felt satisfied a little, but Charlie Jade drew me so much more effectively than Lost. The show got me to care about the characters, second guess other ones and even shed a tear in a way that I haven't since the heart touching scenes between John Crichton and Aeryn Sun.

We need to get this stuff into the States!

More About Those Damn Cartoons

I just read in a NYTimes editorial that the cartoons originally published in the Danish paper were originally intended as an experiment to see what would happen someone published some sort of satiric expression of Islam.

Well, now we have our answer. . ..

The editorial also said that the cartoons weren't a problem until some Muslim group in Denmark distributed the cartoons along with three even more offensive cartoons THEY added to the Muslim community.

Bastards.

Those Damn Cartoons

Personally, I think it was stupid for the European papers to have printed them because it was so predictable that there would be violent protests. I think it was especially stupid for French papers to publish them because of the recent protests in Paris.

And all this talk about it being a "Freedom of Expression" issue just feels moot to me because no government has tried to stop the printing of these comics. There was no coercion.

I guess I can see some issue of self-censorship and some degree of "coercion" in that not printing them would have avoided violence, but. . .on the flipside, I think it would have been more productive for these newspapers to try printing something more constructive and creative to help resolve all the tension rather than incite it more for some kind of fundamentalist expression of "Freedom of Expression."

In the end, I think it falls back onto an editorial decision of each and every newspaper that printed the cartoons, and I, personally, think it was a bad decision because other than the violence incited by them or the intent to poke fun and reject, there really wasn't much point to printing them.

Yet. . .I don't support the violence of the protests, even if it was predictable.

Brainstorming Utopianism -- an e-mail excerpt (or the ravings of a mad man?)

I'm still in the mess of moving to another city and the job search.

Tragically, I'm mainly getting to your e-mail as a way to sort through my e-mails for my job search rather than getting a better grip on my time management skills. I find it somewhat ironic though that I have to return to what's REALLY important to me to deal with more "immediate" survival needs.

But anyway. . .even though I was ready to "refute" your hypothesis when I first read it, think you're right on except like you said about the hypothesis I sent to you, I think you're selling utopianism short, too. Better put, I think you're providing an example of utopia but one that grabs the term by the jugular.

Hard to figure out where to start --

Overdetermined text: exposition, contracts, etc. etc.

Indeterminate texts: literature (unfamiliar then becomes familiar when indeterminacy removed, making the text part of you. . .room for interpretation)

Indeterminate experience: Muddling through reality with challenge, duress, unease or possibly some kind of existential unease or terror (?)

Experience with (existential) indeterminacy removed: Accepting reality, moments in the "flow" (eg getting so into something that time "disappears" or everything just fits -- Hakim Bey's Temporary Autonomous Zone -- me right now, conceptualizing all of this). . .utopia?

Overdetermined experience: Dystopia

So I would reach a conclusion that you're describing a cycle between indeterminacy to indeterminacy removed then back to indeterminacy then back to indeterminacy removed with an occasional foray into overdetermination (McCarthyism, the Third Reich, Stalinism and I'm sure we can think of plenty of examples. . .and I guess it's possible to even say too much indeterminism become overdeterministic until someone steps in to remove the indeterminism like I wish I could do in the Middle East, most importantly, Palestine and Israel). Of course, there's the element of perspective when determining indeterminism, indeterminism removed and overdeterminism, but I guess that's half the fun.

(This one took me about an hour of research to recall. . .) I think my main issue with your conception of "indeterminacy" to utopianism back to indeterminacy then back to utopianism as a form of social progress is that it feels too linear. It pulses, but history doesn't pulse backward. . .only forward.

I like to think of history more as a spiral shape that moves toward the center (possibly up or down, too), but it moves through different directions of progress. . .time moves forward but human progress doesn't move with it. Unfortunately, we might be dead before the spiral reaches the center.

Many scholars like to think of utopia as something outside of history, but I really like my conception of indeterminacy, indeterminacy removed and overdetermined. It allows for it all to be located in history, but more as a reflection of an individual's or group's relation to a situation or text.

Just as an aside, I guess overdetermined/dystopia can be seen as an unsupportive indeterminacy removed that requires a radical leap into indeterminacy or the creation of a supportive indeterminacy removed.

Right now, I'm thinking of the novel that I'm writing as a criticism of unquestioning allegiance to a form of indetermination removed to such an extent that it becomes overdetermined because indetermination causes over exaggerated reactions to indetermination (another aspect?: negentropy -- increasing orderly tendencies, entropy -- increasing disorderly tendencies, syntrophy -- vacillations between the two that lead to synthesis and growth).

I'm throwing around ideas and it's getting late. . .

As "anarchy utopia concepts" -- (1) Man born good and society hinders the goodness so get rid of society, and you have a good man rather than man born with original sin and selfish and society is there to allow for men to live together with some degree of order. (2) Organic society based more on individuals creating relationships rather than having a society based on institutional relations. (3) Seeking moments of indeterminism removed then seek to solely extend those moments into eternity, if that makes sense.

This is all feels rather indeterminate. Any thoughts, comments, feedback on my random brainstorming?

And. . .thanks. :-)

Bibliography for organization

- Ernst Breisach, HISTORIOGRAPHY: ANCIENT, MEDIEVAL & MODERN

- Joshua Glenn, "Back to Utopia: Can the antidote to today's neoliberal triumphalism be found in the pages of far-out science fiction?" a review of Fredric Jameson's POSTMODERNISM, OR, THE CULTURE LOGIC OF LATE CAPITALISM and Russell Jacoby's THE END OF UTOPIA and PICTURE IMPERFECT: UTOPIAN THOUGHT FOR AN ANTI-UTOPIAN AGE as printed in the Boston Globe.

- Wolfgang Iser, THE ACT OF READING: A THEORY OF AESTHETIC RESPONSE.

- Wolfgang Iser, PROSPECTING: FROM READER RESPONSE TO LITERARY ANTHROPOLOGY.

- Fredric Jameson, "If I find one good city I will spare the man': Realism and Utopia in Kim Stanley Robinson's MARS Trilogy, an essay in LEARNING FROM OTHER WORLDS: ESTRANGEMENT, COGNITION AND THE POLITICS OF SCIENCE FICTION AND UTOPIA ed. by Patrick Parrinder.

- THE TRANSCENDENTALISTS (a collection of essays) ed. by Perry Miller

Plethoraphyl

THE USUAL JOB STUFF

Posted a resume and cover letter on Hotjobs.com.

Otherwise, I procrastinated quite a bit over the weekend except for the time spent with the fiancee.

HAVE TO GET MORE OF THE POLITICAL STUFF OFF MY CHEST

I don't support or advocate violence or terrorism, but come on. . .how stupid do you have to be to realize that those cartoons printed in the European press wouldn't incite violence and protest. Even to support "Freedom of Expression," why the hell did they, especially the French, print the cartoons AGAIN?!?!?!

HEALTH AND FITNESS

Last week, to deal with my cold, sinus infection or whatever happened to me, I started getting ready for bed at 9, do up my chores and try getting to bed at 10.

Yesterday, I got a protein shake powder and have started taking it.

Feeling good, except for the two nights that I couldn't fall asleep in time. . .but those moments of insomnia had perks with the fiancee, so I can't give them all that much for bad connotations.

I want to get back into working out once I really get into the waking up early groove. Working out feels good.

Dream Stabbings

Before waking up this morning, I had a dream. A part where I input "Forced to Write" into the Amazon.com search engine sticks in my memory.

This morning, I did just that and found some interesting entries. When I get my finances back together after this past weekend of planning and throwing a big party, I'll have to purchase one or two of the results from that entry. Hopefully they'll help me to structure my writing process better for my current thesis project and future projects.

UNCONSCIOUS MASOCHISM

Yesterday at work, I stabbed myself in my left thumb and hand with a screwdriver while taking apart something.

It has healed pretty nicely by now, but it looked pretty bad soon after, even though it didn't bleed right away. It also hurts a little when I put pressure on the cuts.

But oh well. . .I didn't have to call on worker's comp or anything. Such is life.

Fun Side Effects

Lying in bed last night, absently flicking a cat toy to entertain the just awoken kittens, I got to hallucinate about Quebec City.

Sadly, though, the hallucinations got me to thinking about how I haven't accomplished the things I wanted by this time in my life.

NO DRASTIC CHANGES YET

And no. . .I haven't left the family business yet. I gave them my official last day as Friday, April 14 unless I get a great job offer beforehand or something.

The move to Chicago should happen between 4/14 and 5/1, since our lease ends on 5/1.

DON'T NEED PITY

I'm not saying that I'm sick because I need pity. I'm just venting and updating anyone who cares about me.