Friday, April 21, 2006

Busy During Unsettling Silence: T-9 Days Until Relocation

I guess things on this Blog have been more quiet than I had originally thought. Since the countdown to my relocation, I thought my readers had left at least one comment an entry. Silly me, thinking I'm more popular than I am.

Sadly, though, I also haven't had too much communication with friends or acquaintences over e-mail lately, either. I think this trend has occurred over the last couple years, though. Nothing to pinpoint as the cause for this trend, just a sad one that I've noticed.

Always possible to blame me being way too busy. Other people have probably gotten quite busy or have had more surveilance at work. I figure this stuff happens more and more as we grow older.


This morning, got my haircut with the fiancee then we drove home.

I spent most of the afternoon after that pricing up and organizing some Magic cards. Somewhat surprised by how lucrative the pricing has come. I haven't even inventoried half the cards, and I've already priced up about $1,000 worth.

Afterward, packed up a bunch of books and some other miscellania in my office then moved all the makeshift milk carton shelves into the other room along with three big shelves that I had in there. Took out a whole bunch of trash and recyclables.

The fiancee sold one of the couches to the friend. We've also put a whole bunch of shelves and other stuff in the sun room for the Salvation Army to take away. We also have some shelves and couches in the other room to give away, too. They should be coming tomorrow.

I also want to really do some important chores tomorrow, a little more packing and probably price up some more Magic cards to get an even better idea of how much those cards could possibly get me.

In the meanwhile, I get wait for the Salvation Army people to show up and pick up the stuff. I think I also have some plans in the works to meet up with a friend to watch a movie and hang out in the city. He needs to get in touch with me, though. Maybe I should call him. . .that might organize things a little better.


This whole moving thing has progressed relatively well. I feel a little guilty that I haven't done as much as I could. The fiancee says I've been doing a fine job, though, especially with all the other things that I have to address. . .even though I guess the whole selling the Magic cards really should be on the back burner in comparison to the move and finding a job.

Curse you, Magic, for absorbing me as much as you do.

Nonetheless, as the move progresses well, it somewhat overwhelms me. I feel it happening quicker than I had imagined it would. Not saying that I thought it would go slowly. . .I just feel it taking on a life of its own and not as something that we can consciously reflect upon too much as it happens. Simply put, it will happen, no matter what we do, and we can just ride along on its progress, as much as we put the original intention to do it and have put the whole process into motion.

I still can't stop feeling overwhelmed by he whole process. This whole overwhelming feeling could possibly have started awhile ago, years ago, when the fiancee and I started dating. I don't regret anything, but as with the move, itself, life seems to have taken on a consciousness of its own since then.

Of course, only shortly before dating her, a few months to be exact, I had taken my first "career" job, a position that I had for four years. That's quite a bit of commitment and dedication to give anywhere.

I also had done a lot of work on my novel and final school project. Back then, I felt a lot more confident about the whole thing even though I knew quite a bit less about the topic. For awhile afterward, I knew enough to get wholly confused and understand what didn't work but not really know how to make progress on the thing. Yet I kept pushing and searching for an answer.

Searching for answers, a took a couple classes. They help build up my confidence but didn't really help me find any answers.

I started doubting my path and ability to reach the end of that path, so I started seeing a career counsellor then after using up our meetings, I bought a whole bunch of career and marketing my skills books. With that information and close to moving time, I started working on getting myself a job. I have yet to get that job in Chicago, but I'm jumping all over the place here.

My communities have changed a lot, too. I moved across the river from the Cambridge/Somerville area to the Allston/Brighton and Newton areas. This adventure encompassed living totally on my own, somewhat, in a studio, subletting once with a bunch of interesting then addressing the issue of moving in with the fiancee when we were just dedicated partners.

Church became less important to me. When I first moved into the Boston area, I started going to the First Parish in Harvard Square just about every Sunday. Even when I didn't do that, I tried making it to the Men's Group discussions and the Young Adult Group social gatherings, which changed character over the couple years I took part. . .some of which I helped mediate, even though I didn't like the final result of that process. Interestingly enough, the results I didn't like occurred roundabout the time I started dating the fiancee.

Becoming closer with the fiancee, I got embraced into her social group, which a mutual friend had been part of for awhile. Some friends from high school pretty much reunited with me, if not as frequently as in the past, at least through communication on the Internet. I drifted away from some friends from church while focusing on some other friends. Other friends moved out of the state for numerous reasons or drifted away naturally. Had some good and bad patches with friends from college while others in that group disappeared.

Joined many Internet mailing groups, ranging from Science Fiction and TV topics, psychiatric health topics in hopes of learning more about myself and political groups, most of which I had to abandon because I found myself investing too much energy into them.

Friendster and MySpace have made their appearanaces. I don't care much about MySpace, but Friendster works OK with me and helps me to stay in touch with a bunch of people who I would probably drift away from normally.

Which makes a good transition into my fighting and accepting the failure to keep in touch with some people who had touched me in the past very much. This move to Chicago has really pushed me to realize the importance of letting go of these people and accepting that they simply don't want to communicate with me. Whatever I had in the past simply hasn't transferred into the present and trying to figure out what went wrong won't solve anything. I simply have to accept that they don't want to communicate with me, no matter how much I try to impress them and I need to just move on with my life.

Happens a lot in this world, I figure.

But now it's pretty late, and my brain has gotten fried.

I really look forward to getting done with this move, which will pretty much taken about a month now since we'll have to transition through a temporary week-by-week tenancy at a hotel then into our Chicago apartment near the end of May, and finding myself a good job. Once I get that stuff done, I think I can get back to my college project and also back to having some good, thoughtful ruminations along with a good bit of sanity and steadiness.

Even though I figure planning the wedding and honeymoon will cause all sorts of interesting stress, too.

Ah well. . .I'll deal with that stuff when it comes. Life is full of this stuff, isn't it?

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