Monday, September 12, 2005

I Thought I Sounded Smarter the First Time

I still find myself somewhat in the dumps. Not the dumps intentionally, as I've mentioned in the past. I don't feel angsty or annoyed that much anymore. . .just crummy. Tired and all. I thought after getting to bed at a relatively OK time last night and waking up with some degree of good energy that I had gotten over this whole sick thing. I even made up until about three or four good, too, then I just kind of crapped out, tired and all.

I felt a combination of annoyed with a customer and disappointed with myself at the end of the day because I didn't get the necessary information and production to the customer in time, and the customer didn't have the patience to listen to me explain the not complete product that would still provide some insurance protection to him over the night, or at least, the peace of mind. But oh well. . .life goes on.

Nonetheless, right now, I don't feel entirely too articulate. In fact, my motivation comes from the deep source of my being that won't let me quit, even though the rest of me tiredly has these low self esteem thoughts. I can't let them defeat me, especially since I don't think they have any real permaneance. I don't like the results in which those thoughts point. After all, during the day, I have plenty of good thoughts and plenty of awesome ideas. I just need to rest up and work against the low self esteem thoughts to prevail then produce some great works to present to the world.

So. . .here I listen to this great band that hailed from Boston, Opium Den, but I don't think exists anymore. Walking home today, I decided to take something of a lazy way out and post two things that I wrote today. One of them I wrote as an e-mail to a political news posting and debate mailing list on Yahoo Groups and a response to an article that the Blogger for linked with me in mind, the article addressing "stupid utopias" and the link made an interesting segueway from some encounters I've had lately with the next door neighbor cat (I know one of my high school friends will appreciate that whole topic).

First, my response to "The Ten Stupidest Utopias" by Jeremy Adam Smith, posted at Strange Horizons (as in afterthought, though, if you take this guy's tact about utopias, how can you pick ten as the stupidest utopias from the multitude examples of utopias that one could as stupid?):

"Thanks for the utopia link, K[*]. It had some new interesting examples. Unfortunately, though, it pretty much treads the same ground that so many articles and journals have crossed upon: and/either surveys of what a certain person considers utopian or dystopian without even really addressing what they mean by utopian or dystopian or an ideologically-motivated rhetorical attack on social myths or ideologically-motivated rhetorical creations without really addressing the creations on their own terms (for instance, the article failed to address the fact that Thomas More eventually regretted writing Utopia and many scholars have tried to reconicle Utopia with the life of More and that Plato pretty much had a thing against emotions, in the first place, and would have loved a world with just reason, not emotions). The author touches upon some of the topics but not satisfactorily, in my opinion, enough to show that these utopias/dystopias have any merit, at all. Then again, doing so would probably nullify the emotional rant and convenient facts that the author mentions. But, if I've learned anything, these kinds of articles and the public really doesn't have room for a good, nuanced reasoned out piece of work that actually says something worthwhile. Too bad for me, too, because I've had to wade through symptomatic stuff like this for years.

"Still, thanks, K[*]. . .I haven't heard about a couple of examples that this guy mentioned."

And now my semi-biographical e-mail:

". . .I also believe that looking at the ". . .removal of God in public schools, and with society. . ." only really creates something of a tunnel vision view of the situation. I'm plenty willing to look at morality, the growth of modernism, the factors of huge mixtures of culture and class that occur in our great melting pot of a country and a whole bunch of other things when looking at the situation. Honestly, with all the other things that I'm doing trying to improve my own life and trying to spare time to make the world better, I don't have the time to engage in very in depth conversation on the topics at hand. I really really just like to emphasize the importance of looking at all the factors involved rather than trying to emphasize one factor is the one factor that has changed everything. . .that just feels like an argument filled with rhetoric to me.

"And the above comes from someone who did pretty well in school (even though I'm having a difficult time with a Bachelor's thesis that I've pretty much been working on for seven years) and hasn't had the most ideal . . . while growing up. . .but I'm not about to blame just . . .or the schools for my problems. There's a lot of structural and cultural issues that have a lot to do with the world "going to hell in hand basket" that I believe that we all have responsibility to address rather than just pointing fingers at the origin of the problem. I'm just stating my viewpoint based on opinions that I've seen made on this list for a few months, not necessarily trying to make an argument.

". . .I'll admit that I'm something of a skeptical humanist liberal/progressive, but I really appreciate to get all the information and perspectives as possible, and this is one of the few places that I can get information on the edge of the Right. I don't blame the media, however. . .I blame my own ignorance and being too busy and lacking of motivation to search out those other views. I am constantly surprised, however, that the Economist comes to the same conclusions as many liberals. Was I wrong in thinking the Economist was a more conservative publication?

". . .Hopefully, some day, I can provide more contribution than what I have so far, and if there's any responses to this e-mail, I'll try to give them some attention. I just can't promise a timely answer. . .I hate being so busy and not being able to address the things important to me, but a person has to do what they have to do to live, I guess."

Well. . .that's pretty much it for tonight. Hope everyone has good dreams.

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