Sunday, December 04, 2005

They Lied to Us in School and Party!!!!!

They taught us a whole bunch of stuff. They told us once we figure out the thing that we love doing, we can make our livelihood from that love. They also gave us tests to do to show us that we had an aptitude for something or that we would like doing it. If you go to a career counsellor, you'll go through all that testing again.

At least the the career counsellor will teach you better at something that pre-college school didn't teach you well. They neglected to teach us that we would have to market ourselves and our product and how to do this marketing. Without the marketing, our love and our dreams can simply go down the drain.

I would like to get deeper into this topic, but I haven't thought enough about it. I have an e-mail that I wrote to some people that starts to concieve of this topic. The people to whom I sent it didn't respond. I'd like to hear from someone about it.

Warning. . .I have edited it to fit into the context of this Blog, but I haven't editted it for brevity. Also, the e-mail originally reacts to the question I had been asking about people's susceptibility to commercials and advertising.

I've gotten into philosophical thinking with all this talk we've done.

I've somewhat resolved the ads/commercials side of things by realizing that they, much like any TV or the radio when people talk, catch my attention and distract me from doing other things. Even at a bar or something, if I'm facing a TV, I have a hard time staying in a conversation because I'm glancing at the TV a lot (maybe that's what my friend was referring to when he said that it affected him emotionally, even when he tried to ignore it).

Music doesn't do it so much, relaxing me instead, so it makes for great studying, writing, project work background and such.

All the discussions I've started on this topic have gotten broader than I intended. Not a bad thing because I've gotten more enlightened about something else.

The broader discussion has turned more toward the philosophical direction, though. Pretty much, by nature, humans must consume for basic survival. For sanity, a healthy mental life, interaction with other people and society, we need to consume, also. I think, to some degree, many of us agree that excessive consumption can create results we don't like.

On a semi-spiritual level, I can accept our place in the consumption/excretion cycle of life on this Earth and possibly the Universe. We transform things through food, respiration, metabolism, etc. etc., which creates a substance good for other life. Earthworms do the same thing.

But that doesn't seem to be enough for me, and I don't believe it is for other people than just me. I'm feeling somewhat uninspired lately because of a trapped feeling, as I feel like I'm creating wealth to just consume for survival or to create wealth to consume for better survival later. But I'm creating wealth by something that doesn't necessarily excite me. . .or at least, not on a day to day level.

I feel lucky that I have the chance to start over again, to a certain degree, by moving to Chicago in a few months. I feel even better armed than I did when I first moved to Boston five years ago. I believe that I'll get a job that will bring me fulfillment and happiness more than I'm feeling lately. I think the fiancee's feeling somewhat the same as me, since she's filling out grad school apps and such. . .she's also facing some bits of her past, as I'm facing the ignorance that I have.

And part of my questioning about ads and commericals is that I'll probably be headed into copy writing for marketing/ad campaigns or doing public relations. . .which seems somewhat shallow to me unless it's for the right cause. Doing something shallow for work isn't a bad thing, really. . .I guess I've just gotten disgruntled with working at a job that I don't enjoy the job, I don't connect with the people at the job (except for one or two co-workers or a few customers now and then) and it just doesn't really hold strong meaning or anything for me on the everyday level.

I want that community while I'm working. I want that meaning. I don't want to work just to continue my existence.

I remember something a friend said the other day about making music as something not necessarily all that great because it advocates unneeded consumption. I don't really agree with that so much. I guess I appreciate music, books, good TV, good movies and so on and so forth as important to culture, people, etc. etc. by perpetuating that culture and for inspiring people in the now and possibly in the future. I think a compromise can exist for cultural consumption and the consumption of material goods. . .the culture reproduced doesn't necessarily eat materials. The materials are just a vehicle for the culture.

There's a lot more I could say in this ramble fashion. I don't really have a conclusion. . .if anything, I want to find one, even though I know life's about finding those conclusions, losing them then finding another one and so forth. I just want to feel inspired while searching for those conclusions, not as if I'm just consuming to survive.


The past couple nights, I went to parties, of sorts.

The first one was the insurance agency's holiday party at some restaurant. I got to stay a couple hours at work for logistical reasons and work a little more.

Unfortuneately, I didn't do any catch up or urgent work. My supervisor decided to give me some random work that she used to give me when I first started there. I didn't have to do it then. I know, though, she had decided that this random administrative clean up the database work was important enough to get on my case soon if I didn't do it.

In the meanwhile, I have either customers breathing down my neck or I have to put together presentations and policies for when I get to annouce that the poop has hit the fan and something needs to get addressed NOW! Otherwise, they could possibly not have coverage. And even worse. . .if something happens while they don't have coverage, they could always sue the agency for an Errors & Omission claim.

They probably would get something from filing that claim, too, because my supervisor wanted me to address some administrative matter to make their job easier. Ahhhh. . .I really must admire the the short sightedness of some people, even when they get the full picture explained to them. They still can't see the whole picture and how they need to find a more efficient way of addressing this matter than having the full time backbone member of a department address.

Honestly. . .I don't wonder why I feel excited about heading to Chicago. Even if I stayed in the insurance industry, just finding a much better organized company/agency would make my life so incredibly easier!

But yes, the party. . .can't forget the party! Not too much to say about it, really. I didn't have a good mood when I got there. Thankfully, the waiter had the intelligence and iniative to pick up on my vegetarian diet and offered a consolation dish in lieu of the all meat entree and greens menu. I expected the menu, but my compliments to the waiter and chef!

Otherwise, I just entered into random conversations and mainly hung out with the fiancee and the one person in the office that I can socialize with honestly. I possibly should have socialized with others from the office, but well. . .I didn't feel in the mood, really couldn't think up any topics that I could fake well that night and don't really think any detrimental effect will come from not socializing. After all, I'll be gone in a couple months. . ..

Last night, I went to a much better party. A couple friends who met at a housewarming party I threw a little more than three years ago had decided to move in with each other and decided to throw a party. The hour drive there and back went by without incident, and the drive to party ratio made the party quite worth it.

I had some pretty cool conversation with just about everyone there. A lot of them came from New Jersey, from where one of the home boarders originates. A minority originally came from New England, including myself. Socializing with all them really hit the target for a big reason why I want to move out of this area. The people here really are very reserved and, dare I say it, come off as a bit eltitist and snooty in attitude. I guess it can happen anywhere, but I just really haven't had the most positive experience in New England lately.

Either which way, I had a great time socializing with these people. I even felt like I could act myself and let down some of my barriers. On the way home, though, I did mull over the fact about my social anxiety of letting down my guards. Maybe I should say more mulling over the way that I can get really involved on one topic in a conversation, which can cut down on the light hearted attitude of a party.

Getting anxious about it and pulling back, however, kind of complicates things. I kind of feel like I possibly pull back too much and don't go far enough into a conversation. This whole thing doesn't worry me over much. I just like to think about these things and try to find a good middle point so that I can best enjoy a party. I haven't found a good way to approach this one, though.

Overall, though, the small house warming party last night gets 4.75 stars out of 5. Only the smallness worked against it, and size really shouldn't make a huge difference. I really just enjoyed and felt inspired to meeting these interesting people and feeling welcomed by them into the acquaintence party fold.

Good fun.

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