Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Life as an Average American Adult of Privelege

I like my wife in ways inappropriate to say in public. Unlike what you're probably used to with your HMO health insurance through your work, with an individual PPO, you have the responsibility to first pay a deductible of your choice; then the insurance company will pay 80% coinsurance for eligible prescriptions and medical services and you pay 20% of expenses of eligible benefits until you pay the out of pocket of maximum of $1,000; then then the insurance company will pay 100% eligible prescriptions and medical services. The New England Transcendentalists drew their influences from many sources, including William Ellery Channing, the Scottish School of Common Sense, Kant, German and French Idealists, Samuel Coleridge's translations of German Idealism, Thomas Carlyle and many others; all in very much in reaction to the older generation of Boston, Cambridge and Harvard University Unitarian elders basing their belief in Jesus and Christianity on empirical proofs of Jesus's in the Bible as supernatural interventions in natural reality, which, of course, was a school of thought inspired by John Locke. Empty litterboxes, make food for tomorrow, clean dishes, pay bills, write wedding thank you cards, call friends & family to keep in touch (especially mom, so she doesn't get too irritated, and Gramma because she's going blind and really doesn't have much of a life), make sure to stay up to snuff with TV shows. Write novel. . .shit, I'm never going to get this thing done, and even if I did, it'll be obsolete by that point! Go to a gallery showing of wedding photographer, friend has party, friends from out of town visiting, work sucks, need to get enough sleep, need to take hot baths so the stress doesn't kill me, need to eat something so I don't end up losing more weight. . .shit, I miss the days when I could exercise, meditate, take yoga classes (even though I really do have the option of weekly free classes on Saturdays, but I'm too busy doing other shit), run around and have fun. . .The tensions between Calvinism and Arminiasm really have something to say psychologically speaking similar to grandfather paradoxes, determinism, parallel universes and the ability to change history through time travel. . .modern life sucks because time escapes me, my body grows weaker everyday and dies and can't regenerate itself, and I'll grow sickly, hunched, slow and grumpy, possibly even destitute and alone like the old people I see on streets, getting in my way. . .especially making me believe this is the complaints I hear a lot from older people who're our Medicare customers that get utterly confused by the plans and end up completely frustrated because they don't really receive a product direct well for their needs. But yet. . .yet. . .I need to keep going, I need to keep going. . .

In short, I'm too overwhelmed with life, work, my essential projects, relationships with people all over, etc. etc. that I really can't spare the energy to break out of my self absorption to talk sincerely about politics, even to necessarily wonder how much I can agree with one or two other people. It's all coming from the gut, like Stephen Colbert advocates, but not so much from the choice of a mature adult, but from the choice of a mature adult who has to deal with the bad choices of an unwise kid that had a lot going for him except for some of the things that mattered. . .but complaining about those things won't accomplish anything and plenty of people wouldn't want to hear about it, so why waste the energy? Better yet to just keep going, keep going, as the average American does. . .just keep going, just keep going. . .and hope that some day, time will become less of a precious commodity, common enough again to actually spend the time to enjoy life and the things around me and the other people in the world rather than resent it for not meeting my demands as an adult who looks back to his past in nostalgia and resentment.

[The above took up the majority of an e-mail I wrote to someone nudging at my political of the past. . .that I probably still share but adulthood has generally made obsolete. An aspect of the above captures the passion of my past that I'd like to capture and express more. . .]

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