I haven't had to "Play the Game" for 12 years now, but here's a couple of my thoughts on dating and rejection:
1. If you've learned to stay sane while job searching, pitching stories or anything sales-related, it can be something like that. I'm not one to promote objectifying yourself or other people, but this is one of those places that it can be beneficial. Stay true to yourself, don't oversell, like yourself and respect other people, beyond that, it's marketing, sales and not getting caught up in closing the deal or things not working out.
One thing I've read and learned: some sales people focus so much on closing ALL their deals or that BIG deal that they don't evaluate the chance at success. They just keep pushing, spending money, losing time, etc. etc. on something that will never close and may slip through their fingers the next time the client is looking to make a purchase or renew the deal.
Most successful sales people work through references and the easy, profitable sales. Quality and receptiveness above quantity. The 80/20 rule - Focus on the 20% of your customers that make you 80% of your revenue compared to the 80% of the customers that make you 20% of your revenue.
As for the pitching ideas or job searching, the sanest thing to do there is send off the pitch or cover letter/resume. Forget you did it and work on the next pitch/resume. If it's something you REALLY want, maybe you'll follow up or something, but only if you REALLY want it. Otherwise, forget it until you get a call back for an interview. Do the interview, send a thank you e-mail/letter then forget it. Move onto the next prospect/sale. Keep prospecting/selling/pitching until you land the closing or job. Forget your inquiries until they come back to you.
2. The other thing is to always be observant of opportunities and jump on the ones you want. Don't hesitate to ask dumb questions. One thing I read the other day: "If someone compliments you on something you've done, ask them if they've got a project or job that will pay you to do it." Someone will inevitably have something for you.
In other words, if you see someone looking at you the whole night at a party or something, take action. In that situation, it doesn't even have to be snazzy or clever or anything.
My equation for success in this situation: Try to have a small conversation until you find something in common then Compliment them (You're pretty) then mention something you have in common (when I first met my wife, I said "You like Buffy") then make your move (something as simple as "Can I kiss you?"). If they're receptive, they'll totally go for it.
3. Move quick. Try to get a date the first time you meet them or very soon after. No one likes the phrase "The Friend Zone," and people can still avoid it. Nonetheless, the more you skirt around the issue, the more the other person will get confused, tired and just give up if they aren't sure but think you might be interested. Other people plain just don't know you're interested. Expressing your interest is something to be clear about.
And I don't mean telling them you love them or any crazy extravagant or disrespectful proposal or expression of feeling. In the beginning, we're all floating on clouds and melodramatic. Expressing our true feelings at that time can scare someone. I'm just talking about asking someone out on a date, following my step 2 of making moves and such. The crazy propositions and expressions of love are when you're both head over heels over each other and struggling to just think about everyday things.
4. If an opportunity for fun and adventure with someone pops, say "YES!" and take it. If it's someone or something that you can't stand, say no. But if you're not sure, don't have opinion and just plan plain neutral, say "YES!" and see what happens. It could turn out to be real fun. Worse that can happen is a break up eventually.
5. Don't get stuck in a rut. Try something new. If you're with someone and after a degree of serious analysis, if it's not working, end it. If you've been with someone for awhile, though, take time to analyze whether it's working or not. Trying to address objectively to figure out if it's really not working or just something you're feeling in the moment. But if you haven't made any serious commitment, end things and move on.
6. Be cool. Don't get worked up over things. Have fun. No one likes someone who's thinking too much or sweating.
The rejection might not be about you unless you make it about you. If you can learn something about it, cool. My main lesson was express interest and try to get that first date quick. You can always figure out stuff later.
If there's nothing to learn, though, don't fret and just move on. Life is too short to get caught up in self doubt that doesn't lead to growth, self doubt over stuff that other people don't mind and also, it's too short to being a dick and disrespecting other people.
7. Another important lesson/thought from my experience: Whatever you do, DO NOT dump someone in public.
Speaking at Harry Potter and the Pop Culture Conference - No rest for the weary! If you’ll be attending this year’s DePaul University’s Pop Culture Conference: Harry Potter and the Pop Culture Conference, on Satur...
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