The snow has fallen,
White, clean, pure, smooth, without mar.
But cars will dirty.
The Chronicles of Narnia:
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe
I saw the movie last night. I really don't have much to say. Any real problems I have it with it come from CS Lewis's original telling. Hunting the stag at the end always annoyed me for some reason. Otherwise, I would really have to see it again to think about it more except to say that it made me choke up more than Return of the the King.
This was a weird night.
I went on a bad bender --
ADD, but did work.
Not a very good haiku, but it says what I mean.
The fiancee found a cool little cafe that has a cool atmosphere, some nice drinks and sweets and free Internet access for customers. The baristas even have a real friendly aura and attitude about them.
If I lived here in Plymouth, I would probably come to this cafe most every night for a nice drink and to read and write. If I were older, Plymouth might actually be a nice place to live. Oh well, moving to the Midwest, I probably won't end up in Plymouth.
Pity that I have yet to find a cafe close by in Newton, Cambridge, Watertown, Belmont, Brighton or anything nearby similar to this place. The cafe in Waltham near the commuter rail station on the way to work has a good atmosphere and such. Unfortunately, that cafe closes pretty early in the non-summer seasons. I would say it closes around the time that I get off the commuter rail and wait for the bus on the way home.
Remembering the Waltham commuter rail and environs reminds me of a dream that I had last night. In it, I get on the bus that goes by the commuter rail station but stay on past it. For some reason, I believe it will take me all the way to Concord, even after a bit, I realize that taking the commuter rail would have been easier. That fact doesn't matter too much, though, because I think a couple friends and a past friend who had become a non-friend after some small group controversy a little more than a year ago motivated me to stay on the bus. More to the fact, I think I enjoyed staying on the bus because I could passionately and angrily yell at the past friend all I wanted, and he couldn't get in a word edge-wise.
I think, for a little bit. . .when I realized that I could have taken the commuter rail instead of the bus and that I had taken on this endless tirade against this past friend. . .I had become semi-conscious that I was in a dream and could have made it a lucid one. It didn't become lucid. Nor did I really push for it. I believe that things turned out this way because. . .dang! I really enjoyed laughing at this oaf of a past friend. It felt really, really gratifying!
So, yeah. . .I'm at this cool little cafe in Plymouth. Before I could get on the computer, I read some fifty haikus by Richard Wright in this book that I got last year from a friend hailing in Pennsylvania (actually, a pretty good book. . .thanks, friend!). Afterward, I read a couple pages in Steppenwolf (actually at a somewhat interesting part where the character actually interacts with others rather than going off in some essay format) before this computer became free.
While doing that reading, I felt myself fulfilling a certain idealistic, romantic image that I have that I would like to embody. I don't have a real easy way to describe. When I first think about it, I first think some ex-patriot in Europe, hanging out at a cafe, drinking some coffee, philosophizing and such. Then I think about existentialists like Camus, Nietschze, Heidigger and so on and so forth.
I don't consider myself an ex-pat or an existentialist, though. They really do kind of fit that mold best, though. I guess, in some way, I would like to consider myself instead of an armchair politican, rather a coffee shop or cafe politician. I may not necessarily get as much done as, say, a professional politician, a dissident or someone who gets involved so much in protests. I think, though. I feel, too. These things can possibly coelesce together at a cafe and become something more than just show.
Other people come to cafes. I can start conversations. We can trade ideas. I can challenge my own ideas, we can challenge each other. We can bring books, petitions, pamphlets, brochures, etc. etc. We can post them on the bulletin board. A whole bunch of things can happen that can create a community better than if I stay at home, watch TV, go to a bar, gather together with just friends in our living rooms, drink and so on and so forth.
To me, a cafe holds many possibilities. That's probably why I called an old Blog or Discussion Boards of mine the Ontok Cafe. Too bad it never took off. . .probably because I got very busy doing a ton of other things. Oh well. . .such is life.
The Class
I've gone to the insurance class for a day and a half. I have one more day left then a two hour test. Only really a small amount of the stuff comes off as new. At least I understand everything better than I did during my last class, which was only loosely connected to Personal Lines Insurance. I don't think I'll get a perfect score on the test, but neither am I too worried that I will fail, for sure. I'll study relatively leisurely then take the test. I don't really care which way the chips fall.
This guy, Ed, who sits next to me in the class has given me some encouragement about the test. I really haven't told him my full story. . .I don't want a career in insurance, I'm moving halfway across the country in about 6 months, I don't really know why I'm taking these classes and testing and that I'll be looking for another career when I move. His support feels generally heartening, especially since we hardly know each other.
The thought of trying to become Ed's friend has crossed my mind. We have at least a couple things in common. He likes gourmet tea and has some good knowledge about how to brew it, which I haven't encountered much these days. Also, he wants to get a projection TV and likes his home theater. I don't really know much else that we might have in common, but he seems like a relatively cool guy.
I won't try too hard, though. After all, I'll be moving, and the whole not telling my whole story could become a little uncomfortable when it finally comes out. Or something like that. I guess, in the long run, the benefits of making him as a friend doesn't really file like the benefits would be come worth it.
Random Thought or Two
I've done some thinking about not so fortunate people and immigrants and such. In the class, at least one of the instructors has let his opinion known about the whole controversy about people trying to get flood coverage under their homeowners policies, even though homeowners policies don't give flood coverage. Many people I've encountered in the insurance industry have expressed their pity for the people down in New Orleans, but they really get angry about these people trying to get something they haven't paid for in the past.
A friend of mine in NH volunteered for the Red Cross then got shipped down to Houston for a couple weeks. After getting back, she told me some interesting stories about how things had gotten very tense down there, on the ground. Essentially, people feel like they should be getting more support and help than they're getting.
In regards to the immigrant thing, as I've said previously, I've gotten annoyed with the platitude that people say about if people come to America, they should learn to speak English. Yesterday, an Asian guy gave me this platitude.
I haven't done any huge amount of deep thinking about these topics. Today, though, in response to all this stuff, I just felt this huge emotion of pity that these disenfranchised people who don't necessarily have money and skills can get entrenched in this disenfranchisement. A lot of times, these people don't have the responsibility for ending up disenfranchised except for some existential responsibility for trying their damndest to improve their situation. Even then, though, no matter how much some people try, they still get disenfranchised just because they simply don't have the economic, social or knowledge capital to learn how to make things better for themselves and their community. Even more distressing, as one case study I read for school, sometimes a person has to make an existential Faustian deal by abandoning their community or family to make things better just for themselves.
And this emotion and intellectual realization just throws me down into thinking that somehow, somewhere something is fundamentally wrong that causes a lot of suffering. Very Buddhist, I know, but I feel it.
Not much more thoughts on that. I just have done some thinking and feeling on this one, perhaps for years and years. After reflecting on it, though, I just tell myself that I really can't make more of a difference until I finish and publish my novel and possibly do the same thing with my thesis.
But anyway. . .I should probably get on with things. I have to study for this test, after all, which really doesn't have to do with my overall plan to try ease suffering. . .even if on some level, I do help to mitigate the suffering of the propertied.
Darn. . .I'm a jerk. =D
Emerging conscious,
Trees, rocks, water, people, wow!
What do we do now?
The Same, Just Different Crap
The clock has pretty much just struck 10 PM EST, not a bad time to pack up the work.
I have no complaints about the last couple days. At least, not since I got inspired after The One Man Star Wars Trilogy.
OK, maybe I've got one thing to complain about. The next day, I woke up early, had a bit of coffee throughout the day then had a couple drinks that night. To celebrate someone's birthday, a bunch of us went out for dinner and drinks then to their place to hang out. I felt out of it, tired and not very scoial. Because I felt tired and beat, I think I didn't have such a great time.
Oh well, I was pretty productive that day, nonethetheless.
Sunday, I did some miscellany but nothing too important.
Tonight, I did real good. Figuring out how to fill out a stupid form that I feel like I didn't need to fill out so that I could correct a stupid mistake with a financial firm frustrated me.
After clearing all that up, though, I edited a couple job searching templates then figured out that I don't have much more editing to do until I actually start posting my resume and really look for jobs. Woohoo! This stage helps me feel a lot better after realizing, at the birthday party the other night, just how small amount of time that I have until April, when the fiancee and I move to Chicago.
Oh yeah. . .another great thing: Got a random call from a Chicago friend who just got a new cell phone with a Chicago number. Great to hear from him.
Services Rendered and Personal Responsibility
Just how responsible should the consumer be when the salesman practically gives them the product?
Practically every morning and evening, I commute from home to work using public transportation. In the morning, I walk a bit to catch the bus in hopes of making it to the commuter rail on time so that I can either grab an hot apple cider or tea at the local cafe before boarding the rail and/or get to work on time. It really isn't important for this topic, but these tasks can get difficult, depending on when I wake up.
In the evening, I pretty much follow this course in reverse except that time doesn't enter so much as a factor except that I'd like to get home ASAP. I want to get as productive as possible. The local cafe generally doesn't enter the picture, either, unless I want to stay away from home for a change of scenery.
The conductors, in the morning over the last half year or so, have gotten somewhat lazy and unobservant. They seemed to have ignored me and didn't collect my fare.
Now, a lot of people would just go with it and take the free ride. I did that for awhile, but then I started thinking about it. The money I would pay helps to keep the fares for the whole MBTA system down (but they also can increase them if more people use the public transport) and my fare goes to keep food on the table of families, clothes on the backs of families, helps families go on vacation and so on and so forth.
On top of that, this trading money for a ticket also creates the chance to interact with another human being and make a connection with someone. It can remind me and this other person about the interdependence that we have on each other and the rest of humanity and nature.
After awhile of one conductor, a pretty enthusiastic and upbeat guy, of not collecting my fare, I made a point to getting his attention and making him take my fare. After all, I would have my cash in view and ready to pay. I would be reading at the time, but that's no excuse for this guy not collecting my fare. I had to work a couple weeks to train the guy but eventually he would stop by me and collect my fare.
Almost every morning, this enthusiastic, upbeat guy helped to brighten my day and made me warm up to people that much more.
Then. . .
Then. . .
Then. . .
Then he disappeared!
One morning, maybe a half month ago or so, my friendly conductor didn't stop by my seat to ask for my fare.
In fact, no one stopped by my seat to ask for my fare. Some young punk just got back on the car, walked down the aisle, hardly paying attention to anyone then sat back down at the front of the car.
This young whipper snapper followed this routine for a couple days after that, so I figured I would have to train another conductor. Instead of just sitting there, waiting for him to ask for the fare and offer me a ticket, I tried getting his attention.
The young punk hardly even paused. I think he might have for a second. My request for him to collect my fare registered with him for just that one little second. . .
But then he just kept walking toward the back of the train!
I didn't even see him for the rest of the train ride until I got off at my stop.
I forget how long ago that ride was. The experience really annoyed me. The young kid didn't even acknowledge my existence.
Not yet have I gotten up from my seat, walked up to a conductor, handed them my fare then said, "Give me a ticket."
I'm thinking about doing it. I feel that it is my responsibility to do so, to keep the costs of the consumers at market value, to keep the families of the MBTA employees going strong, hell, to keep the fabric of society together so that it doesn't fall apart by the strings to become Thomas Hobbes's State of Nature.
The acceptance and legislation of same-sex marriage won't destroy society. The merchant's failure to collect on their service or product rendered will destroy society.
I'm not too proud of myself. I spent three hours playing Magic with myself.
That's right! Three hours.
I will punish myself by not letting myself do anything else before going to bed. . .because then I'll feel plenty guilty.
In the past, I've gone through a pattern of feeling uninspired to do projects then onto not having the motivation to work on the project to growing frustration that I'm not motivated to do the project then eventually that frustration leads to working on the project with all earnestness.
Now's something of a different time. Nonetheless, I think I've entered that cycle again.
Ugh.
Slightly Inspiring
I want to start carrying around a poetry book and break it out every once in awhile to read. My listless lack of inspiration has plagued me through the days lately. I feel that the quick jab of poetry would kick start my brain.
While reading some haikus on the commute today, I thought it would be fun to just write haikus on this here Blog when I just have a non sequitur in mind.
And crap. . .just a second ago, I had something on my mind that I wanted to type. I've gone and forgot it.
I think that's a sign for me to get to bed.
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