Saturday, August 12, 2006

Living With Hope

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS I WROTE TO A FRIEND

Further, all that I wrote to the list was stream of consciousness, and like I said, probably the brightest light to my day and possibly even my week. I loved the mass amounts of communication going on between everyone. It got me carried away. Kind of sad that my life has gotten reduced to disliking my job more than working in insurance, not getting paid enough to pay my bills, not getting enough time to work on the job search or be available for great temp opportunities and having a work schedule just about completely opposite from M. Nonetheless, I've got this life to live until I get a more dependable job and have more energy for M and the cats. The day you writing "bla bla bla" in an e-mail to a lot of people cuts me deeply, after everything we've all been through, is the day that I give up on myself.

Sorry, man, for not counting your pissing on my spirit as strong as my own.

Besides, I view myself as part of the solution, from my conviction not to have more than two kids (ideally, one), to get a hybrid eventually if I need a car, wanting to make my home green, purchasing socially reponsibly and green, investing my money and consumerism into socially responsible and green resources, when I can, using fluorescent bulbs instead of incadescent whenever I can, using Shell V-Power or BPs high octane gas, using the most expensive oil for the car, buying organic or locally, etc. etc. I also hope to bring up my children with similar values.

Other people don't necessarily have my convictions or the ability to take advantage of those options. History and tradition proves to be our enemy in this situation. Maybe someday I can become part of a marketing or promotions team beyond my writing to make these avenues easier for people to follow. Hell, I even would love to go into the inner city and face ex-cons to teach them the humanities, show them they can amount to more than gang banging, drive bys, knifings, drug dealing, the social insurance practices they follow, that they essentially have the power and the ability to make their own lives and the world better.

In my blog, http://thelex-topia.blogspot.com, I'm even trying to provide an example to the world of ways that I challenge my own thinking, from being a liberal "elitist" because I'm scared to go into Dorchester, Roxbury, South Chicago, Bucktown, South Africa, Cape Town. . .practically anywhere in Africa or the Middle East, and sometimes just because of my dietary decisions. I know someone with whom I attended college that just arrived in Iran. . .she has no idea what she's doing, but she's exposing herself to new environments rather than just sticking around in the United States and living in her Fear.

But yes, while I'm alive, I have children to donate to the human gene and intellectual pool and while the human race is alive, I believe there's hope.

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